That is another good form of beginning, I suppose: To constantly imagine what I will draw, even if I don't have time yet to draw it. Or have even decided how ambitious I am going to be, and can possible be, about it.
But these are seeds, and they are nurtured at times when I am slogging through the winter rain to get some thing or other for Jay's dinner from one of the few super markets open.
And thus they grow.
Whenever for some reason I experience such ... mess in my head, my experience tells me that I should find an anchor-point. Something to focus on. Something that is positive, even if it doesn't feel like the answer to any of those problems, imagined or otherwise.
I think writing is a good start ...
So maybe this is stupid. Another false start. Another hope that won't really come to anything. Another groping in the dark.
But I have to keep this search up, after a story with art that I can do, at this point in my life, because I need to do such creativity.
I have to keep up the search.
Otherwise, what is there but to sit in the dark and wait for it to become all there is?
Reality is not able to conform to a neat narrative, but it is no harm being reminded in that ever so often.
But the surprises we have from living reality may often be combined into new narratives that make sense, when the old ones are gone or hard to see.
All it takes is a little flexibility of mind and ... lots of work.
There is an urge in us to search for the 'real', the single Cause, the Explanation.
But is it a 'bad' urge? To seek the 'real'? The 'true'? Etc. ... even though the real world so often turns out to be marvelously more complex?
I think it can be in so many situations - just open the news.
But ... there is also something beautiful in wanting to seek the real, the truth about a story or an event.
Perhaps that urge is not mine alone. To seek the 'true', the 'real', the 'first cause'.
It definitely is not.
And yes, it can be perverted and warped, esp. among closed-minded fanatics of all sorts, with or without gods.
But in this case ... it feels right.
Even if the truth turns out to be that the book of Robinson Crusoe shaped the story of Alex Selkirk and not the other way around.
Aside from acts of God and other knocks that life can give, such as health problems, I should still strive to create a system which earns me - by delivering something valuable to many people - and which I control. Otherwise I will still be swept away by everything that happens around me.
That goal is the single most important from now on.