So that is the way to test if you are depressed, then: Ask yourself about any particular day, when nothing out of the ordinary happened, and what you feel about that day?
If you feel it must have been a black no-good day, then you have reason to seek out someone who can tell you otherwise.
If you can't tell yourself that it is otherwise, and believe in it.
Another definition of depression. And so even ordinary days can, if we let them, help us discover our darkest of trials. And overcome them.
Maybe it's bad that you have to buy mid-wife-sessions to talk you up and calm you, if you can't get this from friends who family who live nearby and have the experience (we have that but they don't live nearby). Maybe it's a topic for political discussion about priorities of a welfare state.
Maybe later. For now ... we enjoy the peace. And peace gives an opening for all the love to pour through unhindered. To Jay.
It was very strange to then just write and on the one hand feel relieved that I could and on the other feel a little sick about writing about the end of the world. But it was a crucial scene. In a crucial story, at least for me personally. So I guess that makes it overall the right outcome.
Dear Job Market,
I'm sorry but I have to let you go.
In the future this company will only make money by delivering services to several clients and creating products, in order to keep open a selection of active and passive income streams.
This is, in other words, organizational restructuring which, unfortunately, no longer leaves room for your position, which so far has been unique - as you were our only employee for years.
In addition, I've for a long time been highly dissatisfied with your performance as an employee.
Then it struck me, after having asked my higher angels for a bit of aid, that I felt incredibly ... grateful for all my stuff, all the beautiful important useful things I have with or without histories.
Even the shampoo in the bathroom ...
Or an old DVD I have to get rid off anyway to create shelfspace for babystuff ...
I. Felt. Grateful. For my stuff. All of it.
No matter how messy it was.
No matter that other people have more stuff and many other people have a lot less. I didn't compare at all, up or down.
I. Just. Felt. Deeply. Grateful.
For my stuff.
That was also not the worst of feelings.
In fact it was very beautiful, even if it was gossamer.
There's a scale on which I believe you have to go back and forth all life. If somebody behaves in a way that is unacceptable to you, and you don't have to please them because you fear them, should you then try to understand and please them because you have a moral obligation? Because their behaviour, like anger, is a veiled disguise for a positive intent, like wanting to be respected?
Or should you demand that people also live up to a minimum standard to gain that respect. A standard of behaviour you set.
The answer, as with everything else in life, is blowing in the wind and will differ from time to time.
It is not always right to try to respect people no matter how outrageously you think they behave. It is not always right to not care about them.
The the question in politics, and in life.