I asked myself on more than one occasion:
‘What would help me achieve my goals –
1) shred this guy’s opinions and perspectives about the goal
2) go do the actual stuff that leads to the goal being accomplished?’
It’s crazy that the human mind is so construed that you even have to ask that question, but there it is.
And I know the answer.
We love each other. We want to find solutions. Even if it seems dim – through the fog of anger.
But what is important to both of us, I have no doubt, is that we must also find solutions for Jay’s sake.
We simply can’t bear that he should have parted parents, much less that he should have parents who bicker and argue most of the time. It makes him feel unsafe and it hurts him. Obviously.
And we want the best for him.
So we have to find a way back to the best in ourselves, even if it has been seriously challenged this past year.
But we have to. There is not other way.
These things work to de-escalate anger and become calm: – stop the situation, remove yourself; then clean up; music … and a hot mug of coffee. Do something nice for yourself, too.
These things work. So if it ain’t broke …
I’m just angry. And some days it is okay to be. As long as it is only some days, and not all days.