But sometimes you have to go on an intuition, if you feel it strong enough. Even if there are many unanswered questions and will be for some time.
I suppose that finding the heart in this idea is the first step. That tends to motivate more to look for new ways to carve out time from a filled calendar.
But that Big Project – like writing a famous book or going to save the children in Africa somehow – is not for me. I feel other people can do these things better than I, especially because I have so little capital – financial, political, cultural when it comes to Africa. When it comes to famous books, I just don’t feel like that any longer. As I’ve already written about I know this motivation has been in me, for some reason, and it is deeply wrong.
And the list goes on. These are just two of the Big Things, I’ve chased and tried to do with my life and then not really done.
But maybe I don’t need to.
Maybe I just need to share all that I have learned.
When dark things do happen to you – loved ones die, illness, separation and much more – one of the first things to remember is to ask for help. It is so easily forgotten, but it is the first best step out of the dark.
Whenever we move for a long time in a certain direction, towards something we really want, there’ll be obstacles.
We have to accept that.
And keep moving.
Wouldn’t it be more convincing and powerful and thus beneficial to the purpose of The Blog to go out and start showing it to the world at a turning point, when people can begin to believe that yes, this is not just a ludicrous ambition – it is actually starting to come true?
Maybe this is the time to find those two great powers within:
Faith and patience.
Others are building their homes in cyberspace or have been building for a long time. They will appreciate more than anything else that people stop by and give a hand.
Maybe that’s what I need every time I feel I’m stuck and getting nowhere and having no clue.
Maybe I just need to say: ‘I commit.’
The point is that my future just got more solid, more real, with all its ups and downs. Because I decided to chronicle it. Is that a good thing? For me, personally? I’m not sure. But it feels … like it’s going to be more meaningful simply because I weave it into some artifact for you to see after I am gone. Weave with my words … After all, isn’t that what we all long for, to be part of a story that has meaning?
This blog is what I’ve been wanting to do. Because there is so much more to share. I don’t think I would have done it as CEO of that other company. Then I would have been counting beans now. Not thinking about so many other things to share. So maybe I am in the right place, and those phases of life (finish education, get career, start family) are just illusions. At least insofar as I think of myself having ‘failed’ to complete a couple of them 10 and 20 years ago.
There IS a very real, very live, very physical way of keeping thoughts around, for a good long time, after you have let them out.
I’m talking about keeping thoughts on the Internet, of course.
Think about the totality of whatever you let out on the Internet, through a WHOLE life. Or just … 20 years. 30 years.
Sure, the Net will be different when you and I get older, but it will be there – trust me.
It will be there in some new incarnation.
And stuff we left on it years ago … it WILL be around.
And somebody WILL find it. And WILL be affected.
So what did you leave around?