there is so much balancing to be done, it feels more often than not like an impossible task. But I should be able to get better at it, at least, if never perfect. That much I have to believe, and believe it in my heart and soul. Otherwise, what is the point of even trying?
Even the mildest of things, the most innocent of situations can suddenly become an argument, or the auto-reaction to a perceived attack. I'd like to say that Char is more responsible than I, it is certainly what I feel at times. But in reality, I know, we are both responsible. And the reason is probably that we, despite our age and experience and love for each other, are strung out at times by baby Jay, and me by trying to do the business. In addition ... But the only relevant question here is what we will do with this awareness. Because there is not so much else we can change now about our circumstances. Only our will to react differently to these.
Was alone home today, whilst working and it was a strange feeling. I was glad to have the time, without interruptions. Also to just sit back after work and enjoy a whiskey. But I also missed Jay and Char very much. I both needed them to be there and not to be there, at least that day. Another definition of parenthood, I guess. But not the worst one.
I could've sent out quite a few customer pitches in the hours I spent arguing with Char, about whether or not she distrusted my ability to make sound financial choices and/or family choices.