When I grow old(er) I’d like to look back to my childhood and NOT feel:
‘OMG – so much time has passed! – Where did it all go?!’
And then have a slight sense of dread … and then quickly do something else, to avoid thinking more about this, slightly painful awareness of the passing of time.
I would like to feel like THIS:
‘Yes, that was a long time ago. Many, many things have happened then and in the years since. Deep and important things, sometimes less so, but all valuable experiences on my life-journey which has now left a long trail on a big and colorful map. So I will sit here for awhile and delve on some of those experiences, even the painful ones, and try to see the beauty of it all’.
Yeah, I’d like that second feeling. But before I can have it, I also have to make sure there are less days and hours where I just escape into some oblivion of TV or social media or chatter or buying more sugar-stuff or any of the other escapes.
Because if I continue with those there will truly not be much of a map to look at …
Future goals are important, yes, but if you stress about them so much that they diminish your life quality in the present for months, perhaps years, then what are those goals worth?
Only peace counts.
The way to get peace in my mind is to stop all thoughts that are not peaceful, or – at the very least – let them run out while I take a step back and say to myself: “As soon as this godawful thought is finished, I’m going to think of something joyful – which gives me energy.”
And when there are protests, all I need to say to myself is: “No problem, I can get back to worrying and berating myself any moment and it is perfectly permissible. I just need to think about this little joyful thing first, which I just found out I want to think about.”
And when I have, it all becomes a whole lot easier.
So this is what I know:
Peace is paramount. The basis for all else.
If an action gives no peace, change the action – or change the thought about it.
If a thought gives no peace, stop it – move the focus to another thought. Get some better energy in your mind. The no peace-thought can wait a bit. Don’t worry. You will come back to it. You just need to rest. Everybody is allowed that, right?
When you feel enough good energy from that move, then – and only then – go back and confront the un-peaceful thoughts. Try to change it. Deconstruct it. Counter it.
Go back to it. If it is still there…
Fear does not create what I want.
Regret does not create what I want.
Backtalk does not create what I want.
Endless self-analysis does not create what I want.
Anger does not create what I want.
Shame does not create what I want.
Only creating what I want creates what I want.
And thinking it.
And saying it.
Goals and physical conditions and all sorts of other stuff are important, yes, but … the entirety of my experience of life is the most important. And that, I can actually control.
—it really feels like it gives me what I want right now to just do my best at making business full time as a webdesigner and then taking every possible moment of free time that I need this energy to do some of my creative projects.
And when I have the energy. Or need it.
Instead of creating a struggle between my business and my creative life.
Like that one about setting goals that make you feel better now…
That is a good one.
I wonder if the goal for the rest of my life should not be to set larger and larger goals – about accomplishments and achievements? I mean, forget more power and influence or ratings or readers or fans or whatnot. Focus more on cultivating the feeling that there is always an inner surplus of faith and calm and peace, but also of a sense of beauty and excitement – about things big and small.
It is hard to put into words, but perhaps it is a bit like the feeling you have when you have been at the beach all day long with family on a vacation and everything has gone well. You are calm and relaxed but you also have other sights and experiences you want to see. However, what is important it that your base on the beach, and in the holiday house perhaps – they are there. That sense of a base of calm and rejuvenation, from which you can venture out. I really can’t put it better than that right now.
It doesn’t negate large external goals, like growing my company to have employees – from 10 to 1000, or such. But perhaps that focus on ‘cultivating the beach’ is what underlies it all. If I feel I am moved away from that, while building my company then I am building in the wrong way, at the wrong time or I should not build at all.
The most important thing is still that I felt calm – much more calm – throughout such a busy day, with so many uncertainties in view.
That must be because I detoxed. Cut off bad social media, bad news, bad noise.
From the Internet.
Only went with what was necessary
So … can I keep this shift real this time? Or will I fall back into the ‘need for noise?’
Is the inner silence and its inherent peace enough?
Today I am not in doubt.
I do wish I could just run from it all, but I suppose that is the most natural feeling in the world.
But feeling peace starts with me doing something, no matter the approach I take to the act of creating peace.
And when did anyone ever feel more at peace by the act of running away?