Whatever choice my mother makes there will always be uncertainty for me, and probably for the rest of us as well. Chemo won't kill that. The chances of her surviving until 80 or 75 or 85 aren't really as important - really - as the quality of time that we spend together and the quality of time she makes for herself until she needs to leave this dimension ... It is a choice of how to live best that does not really require an answer to how long we will live or whether or not my mother decides to have chemo or not. It is a choice about how to empower and uplift and improve relations. And that is always something that should be in focus, although sadly it rarely is until the demand is great. But I feel empowered even so. I feel encouraged thinking about all the things I can do to share some beauty and joy and power, no matter what turn events take.
Your doubts must never be allowed to just grip you and tell you things are like this or that feeling, especially the future. The future is not set, but you have to force yourself to imagine it in a very particular way, finding an argument why it will be in a certain way, and making that feel plausible. Then you break it up - the doubt. Because doubt seems to be defined by its ability to freeze us in time. It can tell us that this moment is all that exists and that your efforts to change the future can't really matter for that reason. Well, it is a lie. And if somebody is lying you in the face, your natural instinct should be to tell them flat out why they are wrong.