After feeling emotionally in a hole these past days, there is a renewed sense of … some strength. I have had this feeling before that I should not take anything for granted about what is going to happen now.
Like I wrote:
Don’t take anything for granted.
Don’t take for granted that this is the time for my mother to die, and it’s going to be very sad and painful, and everything is going to fall apart.
… Read more
Another day which was nothing out of the ordinary, except maybe that I felt in doubt again about a thousand things.
Had I missed my opportunity to make ‘something’ off my life?
Would I ever be able to make a decent income with my business or in a job?
Would I ever get to live somewhere I liked and felt good about?… Read more
Being so much more constricted as I am, with regard to time and energy, due to having to look after Jay and the home front and earn money from my own company and dealing with all kinds of difficult customers (or lack of them in the process) …
Yeah, I know it sounds like a litany of woe-me.… Read more
Waiting in the cinema for an old friend, and a showing of National Live Theater direct from London, which should make me feel all cultivated, pleasantly aloof and stylish. Instead I feel like a vagabond of sorts.
I biked up here from my rent-an-office-space, the parka not being quite right because the weather is in-between autumn and spring still; and my general physical condition is below average.… Read more
Got home today from the rent-a-seat-office and wanted to make a big splash in writing and blogging. And then I felt completely down about it all.
I sort of stood and looked at our tiny apartment and said to myself: ‘Yeah, yeah – it’s nice, after all. I think we have a lot of good things, including a child soon.… Read more
Spent today doing business before noon and writing after noon – which is as it should be.
Because soon my ability to plan anything with regularity will be turned upside down again, when Jay arrives. So I’d better spend time well until then.
But it’s okay – that things are like this.… Read more
1) A friend knows. Knows me. Knows changes. Knows time. And cares. And I know that he knows and cares.
2) Friends grow old in the right way. For the right purpose. Like something you drink that warms you for a long time after. That’s worth ageing.
3) There are exceptions, but the rule is probably that it is dangerous to confuse colleagues and friends.… Read more
Today I went to see St Joan (Bernard Shaw’s play) which quickened me a bit. Which was good, because I felt grey inside, as if mist had taken up residence in my heart – or swirled dangerously close.
I felt cut off from something vital, perhaps from supportive social circles for some of my higher goals of life, such as this blog and other things.… Read more
A day when I did go to the cinema to watch a live transmission of theater (NT Live) with a friend, which was very nearly perfect. A high point on a day of a life journey in some ways.
A point from which you can feel elevated and ‘more cultural’ than others, if you want.… Read more
“Take these dogs away from me … before they bite!”
That’s a line from a song, but it could’ve been a good line for this day on the Journey.
For I felt absolutely on the edge of rotten today.
Dunno exactly why, but as I’ve explained before I sometimes wake up and feel extremely ‘low on energy’, more edgy, more irritable, more anxious.… Read more