535. Only That

Fear does not create what I want.

Regret does not create what I want.

Backtalk does not create what I want.

Endless self-analysis does not create what I want.

Anger does not create what I want.

Shame does not create what I want.

Only creating what I want creates what I want.

And thinking it.

And saying it.

Only that.

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246. No Diversions

But in my experience we, the people, forget so often to ask them ourselves: What makes me really happy? What I do now? The way I do what I do now to get something better in the future? Or … ?

We forget. And run in all sorts of directions for peace, happiness and joy, even if we are so often missing them. Chasing wild geese … like that stressful drive up the career ladder or whatever it is that makes no sense to strive for to become happy in the future, if it is done in such a way or if it is for such a goal so as to make us miserable for a long time in the present.

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178. How I Sabotage Myself From Earning Money

I admit it: I am a self-keep-a-down-holic.

I have hurt more people by not exploiting my full potential and changing the world and earning more money to share than I have by keeping myself down.

I will have to have the courage to look at that statement every day from now on and really feel how much it hurts. Only then, I feel, can I begin to see – deep deep down – that what I have been doing so far has been wrong and has not worked.

I have saved no one, not even myself.

If there is a power in admitting the truth, I so badly want to feel it now.

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176. Immediately

I may not get what I want in terms of money, but I will get answers. I have to. I can’t just let all those rivers carry me away anymore – to a destination I don’t decide.

I decide one thing and that is that I WILL have answers. For my sake. For my family’s sake.

I will fight for myself and my happiness. I will.

And at the very least I will get knowledge.

And in that decision alone, lies hope.

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69. Gossamer Light

Then it struck me, after having asked my higher angels for a bit of aid, that I felt incredibly … grateful for all my stuff, all the beautiful important useful things I have with or without histories.

Even the shampoo in the bathroom …

Or an old DVD I have to get rid off anyway to create shelfspace for babystuff …

Even those.
I. Felt. Grateful. For my stuff. All of it.

No matter how messy it was.

No matter that other people have more stuff and many other people have a lot less. I didn’t compare at all, up or down.

I. Just. Felt. Deeply. Grateful.

For my stuff.

That was also not the worst of feelings.

In fact it was very beautiful, even if it was gossamer.

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1. The Best Position

Two people, out of the blue, approached me and gave me hope there was a demand for my services in my planned company, after I had struggled with myself about this issue for many hours and come to a decision:

I felt like despair but decided to affirm that I would get help eventually. Was this coincidence? I think not, but does it matter, if it works? Even if these people had not ‘popped up’ as quickly as they did after I made this decision to nurture faith and not despair, it would at least be a mindset that had given me a better, calmer place inside from which to fight – to make what I wanted real.

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