Sleep poorly these days, feel there’s too much work and then of course preparing the baptism and keeping up with Jay every day. It’s not awfully bad but it’s not particularly good either.
Maybe I am affected by something not entirely of my own making, sometimes I do feel like a certain negative ‘energy’ latches on to me from people or places.… Read more
Just re-read 159 about Jay’s birth by Cesarean and how bad we felt about it, and I wonder what has changed here on his 2-month birthday.
The answer is ‘a lot’ and ‘not a lot’.
It still makes me feel bad to think about it. I still feel we were robbed of something beautiful, even if what happened was the right thing and the most important thing – Jay got out alive and well.… Read more
Being so much more constricted as I am, with regard to time and energy, due to having to look after Jay and the home front and earn money from my own company and dealing with all kinds of difficult customers (or lack of them in the process) …
Yeah, I know it sounds like a litany of woe-me.… Read more
Today I was supposed for the first time to go back to my own office space and rake in more customers to my web consultant business. I was supposed to start, after 3 weeks of leave due to the birth of Jay, to plug the whole in my credit account.
But instead I went to my office space and did a lot of thinking.… Read more
This post is written Thursday 18 about a night we will always remember: Jay was born after 12-ish hours of labor, medically induced because Char is 41 and the doctors say it will lessen risk of anything wrong not to go past her term more than one week.
Well, they were wrong.… Read more
Went to the family, down south, with Char and her grandma. It was mum-in-law’s birthday and a good excuse to go, although the trip is long and I get to drive every time.
Thought about life and death, and clients, and dreams, and Jay, and whether or not life would bring Good – or more of it – in the unknown future.… Read more
Today I tried to put up some of the last shelves but discovered we hadn’t the right screws in our motley collection. Whatever. The whole 2-roomer was a mess again, so that was just one little drop.
Another came when I took down the old shelf-system, which is to be replaced by the new big cupboard for grown-up and baby-clothes.… Read more
I woke feeling like somebody has stolen my energy, irritated and anxious.
But it helped that I got right off building the new ‘office’ in room 2 and then completed a task for a new (steady) customer. I can’t remember if I wrote earlier that I got all the various approvals, registrations and rubber stamps for my company after much soul-searching.… Read more
What if I tried consistently to see my life as a journey? How would that feel?
Do I think it would make it easier for me to accept that sometimes there are false starts and dead ends and all kinds of problems?
Do I think it would make it easier for me to also enjoy the parts of the journey with the spectacular views and interesting people?… Read more
Peace is first and foremost an Inner Experience, an Inner Journey. So outside events can be pretty screwy and it is still possible to create inner peace, in principle, as long as the focus is on it and not primarily on controlling outside events.
Some events, of extreme stress cannot be controlled – inside or outside.… Read more