179. You Are Probably Wondering How We Can Have Faith After That Event

– of both light and darkness?

I am talking about Jay’s birth, of course.

Everything was going so well, we were so full of hope – and then: operating table, cesarean, trauma.

We have cried a lot about that, but fortunately we are doing well overall. And we are more and more able to take joy in the important things – that Jay did well and does well, even if the birth wasn’t what we had hoped or expected.… Read more

164. First Peace

A grueling first 3 days with so many hits at once – trauma after the cesarean, exhaustion, baby-worry (and screaming) and general logistics breakdown of shopping/cooking etc.

But last night we hired a private mid-wife to come and help us, talk about it all, give morale boost. It cut deep in the credit account but was worth it.… Read more

162. In the Storm

And so our son was born Saturday night, after a totally fine labor process things went wrong and it was a cesarean. Except of course that things only go wrong if the result is bad. And it wasn’t.

Our little boy is healthy and fine but we have had about 5 hours of sleep all in all since that day (after a 12 hour medically induced labor), so … reality dictates that those entries will be written later.… Read more

161. Going Through

A really dreadful day and night, perhaps the worst in my life since I was hospitalized 12 years ago¬†for acute anxiety and generally losing my marbles. We shouldn’t have come home so early after the operation and dead-tired and with a little child, but we didn’t know how to say that to the ¬†hospital.… Read more

158. Beneath All Currents

Char hasn’t given birth yet which means that we have to go to the hospital tomorrow to start medically induced labor. Unless it happens during the rest of today, of course.

Char is 41, pushing 42, so it’s an offer from the health system – that it can be started no more than a week past her term.… Read more

155. The Chance

The midwife called yesterday and pulled back the day for medical intervention to induce labor to Saturday. The original date was 16 May, but that was a mistake. It is the day he needs to be born. For safety reasons.

Char is 41, so they induce labor no more than a week past her calculated term.… Read more