249. Security

Another day with work, prep for baptism and more work – home-work with Jay. And I must say it again:

When you have children you automatically have more conflicts – the adults. Being 42 and 43 is no security against that.

However, if your relationship is old, too, and has grown old through trials then age makes you more secure in your ability to solve the conflicts that do arise.… Read more

230. Fuzzy Precedents

Today was a rotten day. I made the call to stay at home while Char (+Jay) went 2 hours in pouring rain with train and bus to her mother’s. Char had had a bad morning, too, thinking too much about the birth and the bad feelings from that experience.

But if I don’t get something done, a lot of next week is going to go without – getting something done.… Read more

227. Sailing True

I often find myself thinking that we are too old to have Jay and that maybe we won’t live to see him grow old, or older.

But I have to remind myself this is a feeling, not thinking. And it is a feeling partly dictated by some social expectations people aren’t keeping much anyway in this day and age.… Read more

220. Moving On Despite

Just re-read 159 about Jay’s birth by Cesarean and how bad we felt about it, and I wonder what has changed here on his 2-month birthday.

The answer is ‘a lot’ and ‘not a lot’.

It still makes me feel bad to think about it. I still feel we were robbed of something beautiful, even if what happened was the right thing and the most important thing – Jay got out alive and well.… Read more

219. Best Connection

We met today with the priest who is going to baptize Jay, and it was very moving to be there – at the church, even if it wasn’t the Big Day.

Char and I have always felt that there was Something Greater, even if we have had difficulty defining what it was.… Read more

213. Risk in the Sun

We went out today, to the sea-side and enjoyed fantasizing about what it would be like being able to afford living in a house there. And just enjoyed being there, in general.

It was a long day out in the fresh air, esp. for little Jay, who slept like a log when we came home.… Read more