Everything just blew up this morning, our frustrations, my stress. So much for the podcast I actually managed to make yesterday for my product line about peace, joy etc.
After the initial waves, had lasted, though … I just gave up. I think we both did.
Sat and stared into the air, playing distractedly with Jay.… Read more
It was a beautiful and chaotic day for Jay’s baptism. I had not slept and felt ill but was probably stressed due to all the work, both with Jay and with, well, work. So I told people and they helped me and Char again, clean up after the party and was generally understanding and loving.… Read more
Another day with work, prep for baptism and more work – home-work with Jay. And I must say it again:
When you have children you automatically have more conflicts – the adults. Being 42 and 43 is no security against that.
However, if your relationship is old, too, and has grown old through trials then age makes you more secure in your ability to solve the conflicts that do arise.… Read more
Today we had our long-awaited meeting with the midwife who was there when Jay was born, and who explained to us in greater detail why he was born with a (for us) shock cesarean op.
I think she made her point well, and at a time when we were better able to listen.… Read more
Today was a rotten day. I made the call to stay at home while Char (+Jay) went 2 hours in pouring rain with train and bus to her mother’s. Char had had a bad morning, too, thinking too much about the birth and the bad feelings from that experience.
But if I don’t get something done, a lot of next week is going to go without – getting something done.… Read more
I often find myself thinking that we are too old to have Jay and that maybe we won’t live to see him grow old, or older.
But I have to remind myself this is a feeling, not thinking. And it is a feeling partly dictated by some social expectations people aren’t keeping much anyway in this day and age.… Read more
The big contrast to the occasional sinking feeling about how the birth went is of course the one we experience every day, with Jay. I swear that baby has the world’s cutest smile and I am sure I can prove scientifically that no other baby smiles just as wonderfully as Jay does!… Read more
Just re-read 159 about Jay’s birth by Cesarean and how bad we felt about it, and I wonder what has changed here on his 2-month birthday.
The answer is ‘a lot’ and ‘not a lot’.
It still makes me feel bad to think about it. I still feel we were robbed of something beautiful, even if what happened was the right thing and the most important thing – Jay got out alive and well.… Read more
We met today with the priest who is going to baptize Jay, and it was very moving to be there – at the church, even if it wasn’t the Big Day.
Char and I have always felt that there was Something Greater, even if we have had difficulty defining what it was.… Read more
We went out today, to the sea-side and enjoyed fantasizing about what it would be like being able to afford living in a house there. And just enjoyed being there, in general.
It was a long day out in the fresh air, esp. for little Jay, who slept like a log when we came home.… Read more