545. Waiting For

It would really be a great help, and steady a lot of things, if one of us got a steady, high-paid job - after years of uncertainty here. And now with Jay along. So of course there is fear it won't come anyway. Or ever. But ... perhaps that fear just has to be accepted. Lived with. I mean, I can write all sorts of good things about how we are just going to press on if things don't turn out as we hope. But before that ... how about just accepting the fear instead of fighting it? It is not easy. But I will try. I think it actually helps.

544. Inner Space

I should be able, with that temp work in place, to just say: 'Oh hell - I feel bad this morning. I have 2 hours. I don't have to do anything but it down, relax and wait until I feel better'. So no pushing for customer search or whatever. Sure, then it will take longer to built up a 'steady' customer network. And all sorts of other things. But again, I am simply too old to continue this trend of letting the future keep me hostage and not able to relax and ... feel good about being here now. I'm going to do anything to not let that happen. And then all sorts of goals that I know will indeed give me happiness once completed - they will have to wait a bit longer. Because I am busy being happy right now.

255. Down Waiting

Everything just blew up this morning, our frustrations, my stress. So much for the podcast I actually managed to make yesterday for my product line about peace, joy etc. After the initial waves, had lasted, though ...  I just gave up. I think we both did.  Sat and stared into the air, playing distractedly with Jay. But it helped. Realizing you can't really do anything but lie down and wait. Give up, in a sense. After steam has blown, just wait for it to evaporate. Accept that things are going to be muddled and nothing will be perfect for a while. If ever. Then start rebuild, bit by bit.

142. How to Avoid A Mid-Life Crisis In About 10 Minutes Per Day

The very ACT of slowing down, and timing out, will leave us with that place in the movie where the brilliant businessman or the overworked janitor or famous fashionista or dedicated housewife takes a walk along the beach or in the woods and ... is present. .... In their own life. ... Dares to think about it all ... good and bad. Feels it. And maybe ... make some changes when coming home. Going up on the hill and scout the horizon of life.