Another day which was nothing out of the ordinary, except maybe that I felt in doubt again about a thousand things.
Had I missed my opportunity to make ‘something’ off my life?
Would I ever be able to make a decent income with my business or in a job?
Would I ever get to live somewhere I liked and felt good about?… Read more
Everything just blew up this morning, our frustrations, my stress. So much for the podcast I actually managed to make yesterday for my product line about peace, joy etc.
After the initial waves, had lasted, though … I just gave up. I think we both did.
Sat and stared into the air, playing distractedly with Jay.… Read more
I’m dead tired this day and I know it because this blog about the day is written … later. On Tuesday to be exact. When I had rested more.
Time to catch up and clean up.
But a point that I’m aware of here is that I’ll also have to clean up my way of thinking about goals, so they don’t revert to the old.… Read more
One of those days … slept poorly, had odd nightmarish dreams and awoke feeling like shit.
Like it all didn’t matter. I was never going to make more money before I died or got to ill health’d to do anything anymore. I was never going to do anything that mattered to more people than my immediate family, even though I had thoroughly wished that for years now – and told myself that I wished it.… Read more
Being so much more constricted as I am, with regard to time and energy, due to having to look after Jay and the home front and earn money from my own company and dealing with all kinds of difficult customers (or lack of them in the process) …
Yeah, I know it sounds like a litany of woe-me.… Read more
We’re still waiting for Jay to come, and doing all sorts of preparations, and then … sometimes just waiting. That’s how it is for first time parents, I’m sure.
And tonight I’m tired because of clients and family visits and said preparations, so I found a post I wrote before any of this ‘father-stuff’ was into the picture.… Read more
I worked for 7 hours trying to fix somebody’s webshop and failed at a lot of the technical stuff, which I thought I knew, but didn’t. So I only billed them 3.
I feel bad about that, but okay about having delivered fair service. And having the courage to explain to them that my abilities fell short, instead of trying to excuse myself or even bill them for all of it.… Read more
Another Rearrange Appartment-weekend.
I need to throw out or store books etc. from the old shelves so only about 30 per cent is left to fit on the new shelves we are going to put up.
In place of the old shelves there will be our new big cupboard with clothes for all of us.… Read more
What if I tried consistently to see my life as a journey? How would that feel?
Do I think it would make it easier for me to accept that sometimes there are false starts and dead ends and all kinds of problems?
Do I think it would make it easier for me to also enjoy the parts of the journey with the spectacular views and interesting people?… Read more
Today I decided to seriously-now-or-never cut my coffee to one cup per day max – and keep it that way.
The ‘mental race’ I described yesterday may be natural, whatever the cause of the flickers of anxiety:
… my upcoming fatherhood …
… my general sensitivity …
… sharp shards from a broken psyche of 11 years ago …
But it is a truth, I’ve read over and over again:
If you want mental calm, you Don’t.… Read more