255. Down Waiting

Everything just blew up this morning, our frustrations, my stress. So much for the podcast I actually managed to make yesterday for my product line about peace, joy etc.

After the initial waves, had lasted, though …  I just gave up. I think we both did.

Sat and stared into the air, playing distractedly with Jay.… Read more

224. Being My Own Case

One of those days … slept poorly, had odd nightmarish dreams and awoke feeling like shit.

Like it all didn’t matter. I was never going to make more money before I died or got to ill health’d to do anything anymore. I was never going to do anything that mattered to more people than my immediate family, even though I had thoroughly wished that for years now – and told myself that I wished it.… Read more

142. How to Avoid A Mid-Life Crisis In About 10 Minutes Per Day

We’re still waiting for Jay to come, and doing all sorts of preparations, and then … sometimes just waiting. That’s how it is for first time parents, I’m sure.

And tonight I’m tired because of clients and family visits and said preparations, so I found a post I wrote before any of this ‘father-stuff’ was into the picture.… Read more

122. Principles

I worked for 7 hours trying to fix somebody’s webshop and failed at a lot of the technical stuff, which I thought I knew, but didn’t. So I only billed them 3.

I feel bad about that, but okay about having delivered fair service. And having the courage to explain to them that my abilities fell short, instead of trying to excuse myself or even bill them for all of it.… Read more

65. Life – Thing or Journey?

What if I tried consistently to see my life as a journey? How would that feel?

Do I think it would make it easier for me to accept that sometimes there are false starts and dead ends and all kinds of problems?

Do I think it would make it easier for me to also enjoy the parts of the journey with the spectacular views and interesting people?… Read more

7. Enemy of Coffee

Today I decided to seriously-now-or-never cut my coffee to one cup per day max – and keep it that way.

The ‘mental race’ I described yesterday may be natural, whatever the cause of the flickers of anxiety:

… my upcoming fatherhood …

… my general sensitivity …

… sharp shards from a broken psyche of 11 years ago …

But it is a truth, I’ve read over and over again:

If you want mental calm, you Don’t.… Read more