Maybe my mum doesn’t want that kind of ambiguity when talking about her post-cancer operation treatment options, because I don’t give her straight answers and tell her one course, just as she is not comfortable with my brother’s very straight-forward directness about what he definitely things she should do.
Maybe she just wants things to go on as normal, forever. Unfortunately, that is a wish nobody can fulfill.
So we will have to do our best to make the time until forever starts, as beautiful as possible.
Jay was kind of impossible all day and we didn’t really find out why. We were still at my parents which was a a down in a sense (I’m writing this Friday, panting to catch up). I guess I wanted the time there to be more perfect and baby-coo-coo.
Which is silly, of course. Just like the idea that my parents have an idea that babies should be perfect.
They raised me and my brother, after all. 🙂
I think it took some time for my mum to get over that we had not revealed our efforts for 6 years to have children; she doesn’t like to be kept out.
But seeing her with her grand son, I think she is definitely over that now – seeing her joy. She is right here and now with him.
And so that is all that really matters.
I did consider explaining more to her our reasons for keeping it a secret, all sorts of good reasons, especially when you are in a medical situation others can’t do anything about – but worry.
But now … it doesn’t matter. Only the here and now and, in a good sense, the future.
That matters and that is good.