… you one the one hand are really, really angry and feel like saying something nasty to your spouse who can’t or won’t understand why lack of sleep and time to yourself got to you first, when she is preoccupied with her own lack …
… and on the other your heart is genuinely old-fashionedly melting when you see your 11 month old son trying to drink from a cup.… Read more
Jay went to have craniosacral therapy again today, with Char. It is something we have done regularly since November to try to get his head to develop into a fairly normal shape, because it is still slightly askew.
We have had a lot of talk about this, and a lot of worry.… Read more
I really don’t remember much of what I did today, so it must have been a very ordinary day – fortunately, I suppose. Because such days tend, at least for me, to give some space to think about my life and how I can make the best of it.
Well, in between feeding Jay and during cooking and shopping and so on.… Read more
Managed to do a hour’s marketing and an hour’s work today on an old customer’s website, otherwise I helped Char with Jay – and wondered how satisfied I was with the overall balance between work and family, and what I would do to change it from now on.
The first question is easily answered: I am not satisfied – 2 hours per day is too little, although that has been the norm very often these past few weeks due to reasons you know by now if you have read the past month or so on The Blog: My mother’s illness, Char’s inflammation of the hand and general baby-chaos.… Read more
Reality set in today (for the nth time) as I tried to eke out work-hours while Char was away with Jay from the house, for as long as she could do it with her tenosynovitis and morale keeping up with autumn mist-rain.
I got about 4 hours, not all of them good.… Read more
This morning I felt slightly mad – lashing out at everyone, specifically the only two persons nearby: Char and Jay.
The lashes were only verbal but stung, no less. And made the world worse. Not better, even though that is how it feels when it feels like you want to lash someone with words.… Read more
I haven’t been too proud of this week’s blogging, since I haven’t had time for it, and therefore yanked in some old texts. I want this blog to be better and better and more and more original.
But sometimes that Is. Not. Possible.
Since Char got ill I have barely had five minutes to myself all day, looking after Jay with her and doing house-work, and only being able to work very, very little.… Read more
Was alone home today, whilst working and it was a strange feeling.
I was glad to have the time, without interruptions. Also to just sit back after work and enjoy a whiskey.
But I also missed Jay and Char very much.
I both needed them to be there and not to be there, at least that day.… Read more
What a difference it makes.
We suspected he had stomach problems, because of something Char ate – perhaps egg plants – that then ‘came through’ to him in the milk.
It’s not as hocus pocus as it sounds, that some foods eaten by mothers, really irritate their breast-feeding children. What is hocus pocus is people trying to convince you that strawberries, for example, are bad for all babies.… Read more
was kind of like what Char and I were doing just now.
I said something about how tired we both were of looking after Jay and she disagreed, even though she was dead-tired. I know why, but I was tempted to argue about it anyway.
I stopped and just closed the door.… Read more
And over-population. And climate disaster looming. And pesticides in the milk. And …
That old question … I feel strange watching the world’s news while raising my newborn son. What kind of world has he come into?
He came without planning. We had long given up fertility treatments. They didn’t work.… Read more