568. More Must Be Given

Reality is merciless here. If your nervous system can’t take the way you live, it will break down again, even if you think that you ought to do fine, or that you are fine.

But there is a lot more to it than these stray thoughts, of course.

A lot.

And it is a difficult and hard road ahead.

Still, there is hope. As I know from my own journey, even if my experiences – or that of many others – can’t be totally transplanted to this situation.

These past weeks, as I understand H, has been about putting out the big blaze. Now the real reconstruction work starts.

But it is a very simple kind of work in its essence. 

They need help. And professional help. And it has to come from family and private funds.

And everybody needs patience and courage and needs to acknowledge, each in their own way and time, that the healing process will not lead back to the old life.

It will lead to something new, which – frightening as it may seem now – is actually the best. For example a more flexible and realistic and loving and communicative attitude towards … everything.

That’s a tall order. 

For old and frail people like H’s parents.

But it need not be perfectly like that.

There just needs to be a movement – towards change.

That will give hope.

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559. No Alternative to Dreams

I realize and remember that there is no alternative to hope. 
Even if you have to wait to begin hoping for something better because your mind feels like ice.

What you can’t throw away is the awareness that there has to come a time again, when there will be a thaw. And then wait for that time.

The alternative is to wait for nothing, which is death, and that is not an alternative.

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535. Only That

Fear does not create what I want.

Regret does not create what I want.

Backtalk does not create what I want.

Endless self-analysis does not create what I want.

Anger does not create what I want.

Shame does not create what I want.

Only creating what I want creates what I want.

And thinking it.

And saying it.

Only that.

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115. But the Car Is Paid

I suppose that’s an interesting thought:

What if the key is here to learn to tolerate more of my clients’ complaints?

And do things in a pace that will keep me sane and then see if he actually puts his money where his mouth is?

And that place would be with someone who is cheaper, better, more reliable than me, about whom he has to complain so much to get an honest day’s work done, right?

Interesting thought. And perhaps a worthwhile thought for an entrepreneur.

Especially worthwhile if I can honestly say that I am doing my best and that 75 percent of the delays and problems come from my clients’ bad habits, bad planning, lack of knowledge, and lack of will to pay a realistic number of hours.

Maybe the truth is only 50 percent. But why should I take those 50 percent on my shoulders and stress to do better and better, more and more, for less and less pay? I think I can afford to err a little bit on the other side here.

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84. Keeping the Embers Alive

Then … at some point, give or take a baby’s upbringing and 1001 stressful workdays, there will be more order in the apartment again.

Or elsewhere. Or in my head. Whatever comes first …

Order enough so I feel better about sitting down somewhere and drawing for longer. In a suitable, good enough space. So it is actually physically possible to do it!

But the very first thing to do is to keep those embers in that space where they need to be always, no matter what:

Alive.

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49. Phased Life

This blog is what I’ve been wanting to do. Because there is so much more to share. I don’t think I would have done it as CEO of that other company. Then I would have been counting beans now. Not thinking about so many other things to share. So maybe I am in the right place, and those phases of life (finish education, get career, start family) are just illusions. At least insofar as I think of myself having ‘failed’ to complete a couple of them 10 and 20 years ago.

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