383. The Right Motivations This Time

So money, miscast loyalty to others, and devotion to productivity methods that may work for others but not oneself.

Those three agendas sucked out a lot of energy from the YA novel, until I shelved it when other parts of reality killed the last of my motivation, notably my need to focus on my own business, on getting settled in yet another new apartment and dealing with the personal and relationship fall-out after (at first) not having been able to have Jay, after many treatments. Oh, and a couple of close family members died, too. Just sayin’ …

Share

342. Good Sense

So keep cool and don’t work in the weekend, at least not yet. And not unless the above-mentioned special exception – The Big Really Important Project for The Big Customer. Who is not here these days … 

It is difficult but it makes good sense, to maintain this schedule, even though my income is not good currently compared to expenses. Otherwise I would never have a day off – including a day off from trying to earn money and carve out time to earn money. And then what would be the bloody point?

Share

319. The Project

But that Big Project – like writing a famous book or going to save the children in Africa somehow – is not for me. I feel other people can do these things better than I, especially because I have so little capital – financial, political, cultural when it comes to Africa. When it comes to famous books, I just don’t feel like that any longer. As I’ve already written about I know this motivation has been in me, for some reason, and it is deeply wrong.

And the list goes on. These are just two of the Big Things, I’ve chased and tried to do with my life and then not really done.

But maybe I don’t need to.

Maybe I just need to share all that I have learned.

Share

292. Sense-Making Loss

I had given away and sold hundreds of comics and books in the 9 months leading up to Jay’s birth and still it wasn’t enough to make room enough for a family.

So I had to give away what really mattered, although it is only temporary.

But felt, even so. A lot, in fact.

I say this about comics, some from the 60s – with unforgettable stories and worth some money. You might say this about something else.

But I’d like to think you’d do the same, if you found that there really was no other priorities that made sense.

Share

182. Customer Care

I knew it would not be so easy, just go back to the office and come home with Big Strategy. And Big Results.

I knew it would be messy.

And yet I dared to think for some hours that it would be fixable, easily, just like that. That I would think about things then come up with Perfect Solution For All Time.

I guess I should be angry with myself for being so naive still, but I prefer to give myself a compliment for nurturing hope that things can be better.

Share