I mean, it just feels wonderful to be reminded that how much energy I get from reading and thinking about Joan of Arc. Even if I don’t time. Especially if I don’t have time.
So perhaps the important part was just that I recognized that if I had to have a good experience here and now, and feel more relaxed and refreshed when Jay and Char came back … well, then it was all about NOT demanding anything of myself. Just … relaxing. Use the time I had available to relax to … relax. And not catch up with x, y and z.
Strange that such a simple truth can be so difficult to make a habit. But if you can you are indeed very powerful!
Last day alone and I simply drew a line and finished the office space, although I could have done a lot more sorting.
But even so the room that now serves as dining, office and living-room for about 20 sq meters still felt … nice in the evening. Like it was actually a real room in a place where we lived and not just half-storage. So I have accomplished what I wanted and needed here. Thoughts too about family health, X-mas logistics, earning money and carving time for art and the occasional bleep about where our relationship is going with all this 24/7 baby-focus. They stood in line.
I knew I couldn’t really solve any of those ‘items’ on the agenda, and I was very tired in the late afternoon, so I took a walk, ate some quick food and then went home and watched a movie – Wind River. I felt only a little bad about not drawing or watching educational videos on my last free night. But it was necessary to recharge and keep some kind of balance, or so I felt. Well, it felt right. Right this day, the hyper-focus on either drawing as relax or business videos as 5 minutes pastime between diaper changes and house tasks did not feel right … simply because that context was not there.
I found out the Internet itself was the problem – and the temptation to focus on everything else than what you had decided to focus on.
Sometimes when I have a few spare hours to myself after so much practical work I can really feel torn, if I should do more writing or blogging or maybe even business. But I have to sometimes let go and just watch a damn TV-series. Not all of the time, but sometimes and this was one of those times and it did me a world of good.
That and a whiskey before bed.
People have a tendency to be understanding if you explain your need and don’t wait to express it until you do so in anger.
We talk a walk by the fjord and went to a cafe and had some coffee and Jay slept (most of the time) in his carriage.
We surfed the internet and watched some lame TV and generally did nothing.
Because I knew that that is what I needed after these past weeks’ drain.
And so I managed. Despite the mist over the fjord.
Sometimes a change of air can do a world of good.
Even if the rest of the world is not so good.
To feel alive again is something higher than just feeling rested.
The very ACT of slowing down, and timing out, will leave us with that place in the movie where the brilliant businessman or the overworked janitor or famous fashionista or dedicated housewife takes a walk along the beach or in the woods and … is present.
…. In their own life.
… Dares to think about it all … good and bad.
Feels it. And maybe … make some changes when coming home. Going up on the hill and scout the horizon of life.
Started the day writing, before we did all kind of cleaning up- and baby-prep stuff.
And I quickly got some business-mail out of the way, and although I know it is waiting for me Monday, I just had to get going.
So I wrote again – a scene for my story. And I felt rejuvenated.
I do wish I could just run from it all, but I suppose that is the most natural feeling in the world.
But feeling peace starts with me doing something, no matter the approach I take to the act of creating peace.
And when did anyone ever feel more at peace by the act of running away?
There is simple ‘maintenance-work’ of body and spirit – any rejuvenating activity. Only in recent years have I come to appreciate to do rejuv every day, whether meditating or reading a book. And it’s not just because I’m getting older. I believe it’s the hard-earned experience of what happens if I neglect it.