As I get older I find that I still struggle with fears, perhaps more so than before – fears that come out of nowhere.
But, I suppose, founded in reality. Or potential reality.
Fear of growing old, dying suddenly, getting ill, becoming handicapped, losing Char or Jay like that, etc.
Those and other fears.… Read more
Met an old friend, ESK, for the first time in a long time tonight, for tea and a sandwich and a talk. About how she is stressed at work, as usual, and has asked for new assignments with less managerial responsibility. Again …
I seem to be having this conversation with her every few years, and she is ill more and more often, in so many ways.… Read more
The truth is that yes, there are annoying people and always will be, but once you get a good filter in place to avoid most of these then your greatest obstacle is probably … yourself.
Last night, I really felt – after having sent a question out to the universe about it – that the answer to where I could improve next wasn’t so much in trying to filter out other people, especially customers.… Read more
Spent the day trying to work, again, although I had promised to keep weekends off. It was not a good or efficient work-day, nor a good family day, then.
But I felt I had to give one last effort to do more on the live-talk about Real Robinson, because there had been so many interruptions during my ‘week off’ to do this very project.… Read more
Taking my first break from Robinson Crusoe-posting, I simply need to say that maybe I have fucked up all this time – trying to find more enjoyable ways to make money.
At least as regards the way I’ve tried …
I was thinking that if I don’t feel good still, perhaps worse, than when I started trying to find that way to make money in a more enjoyable, passionate way, then perhaps my goal is wrong – or the way to the goal is wrong!… Read more
I found this old piece that I wrote last year after hearing about another old music idol of mine dying. I felt like taking it up again, for no particular reason. Maybe except one: The feeling I get from re-reading it reminds me that I have to do better.
I want that feeling more.… Read more
What would I like to get out of ‘middle-age’?
… supposing that it is even true that ME exists for me? (I could die tomorrow, you know.)
But what would I like to get out of it?
What would I like to be?
Until now, I have mostly thought of what I left behind for good.… Read more
I thought about New Year’s Resolutions, but could only come up with one meaningful:
To fight fear.
Within and without.
I’ve felt uneasy for the better part of the year, also before I was told I was going to be a father.
There is something in me that needs to be addressed – that I need to become more at peace with.… Read more