288. Seeing Behind The Void

Maybe I should just accept that – for whatever reason – the negative self-critic is still part of me. The part that says I have not achieved enough earning money or being famous. And then leave it at that and make my best efforts to move on and realize some of the purpose, like The Blog, or that charity project. Purpose that I know to be real and good for me, no discussion.

Once that realization is bigger and fills out much of the current vacuum then the voice should have less power.

So perhaps the voice addresses a true need after all. For I feel I am not doing enough to promote The Blog (as mentioned earlier) and I feel that is a problem.

I also miss doing something real for charity again, and preferably with Char. Or at least have some definite goal or vision for that part of our lives, instead of just focusing – as is difficult not to – on the daily problems and challenges, esp. with an infant son and irregular income.

So perhaps the voice is calling my attention to a true need, but it does so in the wrong way. It fills the actual vacuum of my life right now with calls to do something that is superficial.


247. The Beauty of Seeking

There is an urge in us to search for the ‘real’, the single Cause, the Explanation.

But is it a ‘bad’ urge? To seek the ‘real’? The ‘true’? Etc. … even though the real world so often turns out to be marvelously more complex?

I think it can be in so many situations – just open the news.

But … there is also something beautiful in wanting to seek the real, the truth about a story or an event.

Perhaps that urge is not mine alone. To seek the ‘true’, the ‘real’, the ‘first cause’.

It definitely is not.

And yes, it can be perverted and warped, esp. among closed-minded fanatics of all sorts, with or without gods.

But in this case … it feels right.

Even if the truth turns out to be that the book of Robinson Crusoe shaped the story of Alex Selkirk and not the other way around.


159. Reaching the Goal, Starting the Journey

We have to change the story about the brutal birth of Jay, because we need stories to be beautiful and about more than what came out of it – Jay. We need them for our sake to be more than just the goal. We need them to be about the entire journey, too. But the journey is disjointed. Perfect sailing, then storm and drowning and then reaching the island after all does not match.

Something needs to tie it together, in a new way. Something …

But it takes time to find that something. As it should.

Fortunately, we can count on the best help to find a new story about the brutal journey to becoming parents.

And as we get to know Jay well, it will all become clearer.


63. A Different Story

What you could do when feeling overwhelmed is to re-tell this personal story as if it was … a journey-story. It begins not with a first step, though – but with a map. Our hero(es) are set out to go – like the Fellowship of the Ring – into the big confusing world. They need a map and they need to take time to make that map. So do you. But they (you) also know that once they have a map – even if it’s just a simple one – the journey has already become a bit easier.