619. Yes It Is

You are afraid you are not lovable, or ‘good enough’, if you don’t follow certain recipes for life and how to live it. 

Even more, actually, than you are afraid of not getting the actual results. Like: You are more afraid of not feeling good enough than you are of actually failing in making money or finding the right religion.

If that really is the case … then you should go out there immediately and fail. And fail again.  And dare to be wrong.

Until you feel okay with it.

And find some people – good, constructive people – who will support you in that process.

(Not the drinking buddies, please … )

Do that and then come back and try some of the recipes for the good life, the good spirituality, the good relationship, the good everything – if you think they still have merit.

But do it from a base of strength and self-confidence and above all: Self-love.

Otherwise it is worthless.

And you know why.

It is worthless because it is a more basic need to be loved than to be rich, or popular, or spiritual.

And none of these things can feel good, or even come to pass likely, if you do not start loving yourself first.

And that can only happen if you dare to be wrong and face the consequences of some choice which seems not be in in alignment with some authority whose love you crave. In replacement for your own love. And perhaps more so than any particular advice they are able to give on any particular need or topic … 

So this is it again, then?

That same old, old lesson – that I have returned to countless of times in my life.

This is it?

Yes, it is.


616. If I Feel Bad

If I feel bad about the way somebody is, then I should take a good look at myself and ask myself:

“Why do you feel bad about this person because he is so self-confident?”

“Why do you feel bad about her, because she is so rich?”

Well, maybe because I don’t feel particularly confident myself, or rich myself.

And so that is where I should start building abundance.

And maybe I can only be my own teacher here, because those feelings are so strong. At another time I can have a teacher who is a lot richer and more self-confident, but at this time there are hollows within me that need to be filled before I can listen neutrally to such a person.

And not filter what I hear through my own feelings of inferiority and distort it all and feel bad, which is not the idea.

I can probably learn from others, who are … somewhere else, but still have these qualities (e.g. of being self-confident and rich) more than I have.

I probably can.

But I have to start with myself.

I have to start building my own sense of being rich, or abundant, or powerful or whatever works for me.

I have to start building my own sense of self-confidence, from other criteria then somebody else’s criteria. (Or what I perceive them to be.)

In English: I have to start looking at and appreciating what I can do, instead of being obsessed about what others can do – or appear to be able to. And let that overshadow my own qualities and accomplishments.

Isn’t that the simple, natural truth?

Yes, and it is very hard.

But worth giving your life for.


297. Dangers of Any Particular Life Story

As for successful business-persons, lifestyle gurus, movie stars or other famous people who seemingly have it all together, you might get tempted to think that it’s because of some extra special personal quality that they have, but you don’t – or can never achieve.

Or worse: That it’s just pure luck and that’s why you should play the lottery, right? You might become one of them overnight! He …

I have fallen into these pits from time to time – hell, more often than I care to admit.

My only real salvation has been that banal, but very powerful, realization that I only achieved some kind of peace, meaning and coherence in my story when I allowed myself to love it more.


257. Small Victories

Alone one whole evening with Jay for the first time and it went rather badly. He wouldn’t take the bottle, or even a small glass of milk from Char. Not without screaming his lungs out.

I stopped after a while and just let him sleep in the carriage until Char came home. I felt pretty bad about it, except of course that I stopped in time, when I realized it did not work. That I did have that much sense, after trying for several hours.

Sometimes even small victories has to count.


144. How To Treat A Liar

Your doubts must never be allowed to just grip you and tell you things are like this or that feeling, especially the future.

The future is not set, but you have to force yourself to imagine it in a very particular way, finding an argument why it will be in a certain way, and making that feel plausible. Then you break it up – the doubt.

Because doubt seems to be defined by its ability to freeze us in time. It can tell us that this moment is all that exists and that your efforts to change the future can’t really matter for that reason.

Well, it is a lie. And if somebody is lying you in the face, your natural instinct should be to tell them flat out why they are wrong.