So I will honor this experience and shift all day from I wake up between working – a time on the application, a time on the long list of order-stuff-tasks and a time for drawing. And then switch. And switch. And keep going for as long as possible.
In the end that should make me a lot more productive, and enjoy it, too.
What could be bad about such a strategy, even though it is not particularly streamlined?
One weed that has bothered me a long time is Donald J. Trump. Both before and since his election I’ve been spending, say, an hour at least per day following his merits, or lack thereof.
Hoping, I guess, he would somehow do something that was terrible enough to get booted out, first of the election then of the White House.
Well, he is doing lots of terrible things and saying even more terrible things.
And the truth is that he will still do that whether or not I junk-read news about him. So that stops right now.
I won’t spend a minute more of my life polluting my mind with focused reading about this man. Why should I?
I mean, if he blows up Latvia because their president didn’t retweet one of his bullshit boasts then I’ll be sure to find out soon enough.
I went to a therapist in 1999, when I first started experiencing depression. She told me I should get up each morning and draw for 25 minutes.
Get up early and draw before anything else.
She told me that – and other things.
I tried to do this for a while and failed at it. And things got a lot worse.
Not necessarily because of me stopping the drawing-routine, but I have always wondered.
Now, recently I started drawing again in the morning. I have an idea for (another) graphic novel …
But the point is that I feel really, really good about this routine.
And it wasn’t so difficult – the first week at least.
And now I can see results!
So I will go on. And see more results.
And feel more good.
My soul wanted this for a long time.
But there were many excuses.
One of them: You are too puritan if you decide to be absolutely abstinent in the age of the Internet, even if just while home.
Puritan is a weird word.
But the question is what I am if I actually get to draw a lot of valuable and joyful and significant stuff again before I die?
If that is a puritan then that is what I am.
I like the word in that case.
Dragged an old drawer Char has inherited from her mum back down from the attic, because we don’t have enough space – even with our new mega-cupboard. Jay’s toys and clothes are already piling up, but I don’t think that’s so much of a problem anymore. In fact, it feels easier and easier to clean up and let go of our stuff, and also to decide which of his things to keep. And for how long.
It is not that easy, mind you. But the exercise of throwing things out and constantly evaluating what you need and what you don’t need does get relatively easier if you are forced to make it – constantly. And we are.
It feels as if it is with this exercise as with any other kind of exercise: It gets easier the more you do it. The hard part is getting started.
Maybe I am a really super-smart-ass guy who knows a lot more about life than anyone else my age, huh?
Yeah, maybe so.
Would I prove it, then, by tearing somebody else’s life-advice apart because I felt envious about his success?
A few days ago, I found myself doing the dishes and then going back and forth to my email to see if anyone had written anything “vital” to me (a definition I’ve deliberately left open – but it’s to do with emergencies at work or in the family, mostly).
Thus, I found myself checking email maybe 5 times during an hour to see if anything “vital” had come up which could … divert my attention, I suppose.
The piss filling up and warming my pants this cold spring sure feels nice and warm.
But fine so.
Awareness of a behavior you want to change is the first step to that change.
Much can be achieved if only those damned habits are changed. Like … our dreams.
It’s real. So real. And I see it now so clearly. So I have to do it.
Not just with investing time to get more friends. With everything.