383. The Right Motivations This Time

So money, miscast loyalty to others, and devotion to productivity methods that may work for others but not oneself.

Those three agendas sucked out a lot of energy from the YA novel, until I shelved it when other parts of reality killed the last of my motivation, notably my need to focus on my own business, on getting settled in yet another new apartment and dealing with the personal and relationship fall-out after (at first) not having been able to have Jay, after many treatments. Oh, and a couple of close family members died, too. Just sayin’ …

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128. Connection to the Beautiful

I’ve written a few in my time, variations of the same character I suppose, but Mary is SO angry. So much more than many of my previous ‘outcasts’.

I know it sounds pretentious to talk about her as if she was real and kind of deciding things in the story, but in all honesty I started with her just as a cipher and then she has, yes, grown as I wrote the story, kind of dictated more and more that it’s about her.

All about her feelings. About her isolation. About her loneliness.

As much as a romp through dimensions and feeble attempts at homages.

I wonder how may others have come to feel the same way about characters they have written, started with just as an idea, maybe just a name and nothing more? When? Under what circumstances? What story were they telling?

This is one of the things to think about that makes me feel connected with someone I’ll never see in a way that’s very beautiful.

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