568. More Must Be Given

Reality is merciless here. If your nervous system can’t take the way you live, it will break down again, even if you think that you ought to do fine, or that you are fine.

But there is a lot more to it than these stray thoughts, of course.

A lot.

And it is a difficult and hard road ahead.

Still, there is hope. As I know from my own journey, even if my experiences – or that of many others – can’t be totally transplanted to this situation.

These past weeks, as I understand H, has been about putting out the big blaze. Now the real reconstruction work starts.

But it is a very simple kind of work in its essence. 

They need help. And professional help. And it has to come from family and private funds.

And everybody needs patience and courage and needs to acknowledge, each in their own way and time, that the healing process will not lead back to the old life.

It will lead to something new, which – frightening as it may seem now – is actually the best. For example a more flexible and realistic and loving and communicative attitude towards … everything.

That’s a tall order. 

For old and frail people like H’s parents.

But it need not be perfectly like that.

There just needs to be a movement – towards change.

That will give hope.

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564. It Is Useful

… to remember that when you feel despair about something, then it can stop that feeling long enough for you to take constructive action, if you ask yourself a question:

‘Does this help me change the situation I despair about  – that I continue feeling despair?’

(Hint: The answer is never ‘yes’.)

That somehow seems to shake me enough to feel up to acting.

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559. No Alternative to Dreams

I realize and remember that there is no alternative to hope. 
Even if you have to wait to begin hoping for something better because your mind feels like ice.

What you can’t throw away is the awareness that there has to come a time again, when there will be a thaw. And then wait for that time.

The alternative is to wait for nothing, which is death, and that is not an alternative.

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448. Another Present Question

If you feel bad about how little you achieve in a day, then try to lower your expectations. Not too much, just a little, until you feel better. Praise yourself for what you have achieved. Affirm that you will achieve more of what is truly important, just not today.

It sounds like hard work – this kind of control – and it is. But it is much harder on you to succumb to the allure of bashing yourself about all the things you can’t do in a given day and how problematic that is.

That is the result of expectations that have become toxic – blocks to actually realizing and achieving something because you spend too much time to worry about these expectations and why they are not fulfilled more.

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435. Waiting for Reality

ESK is rich. I mean seriously. She could quit her job tomorrow and live for the next five year, no prob. Travel the world. Do pretty much whatever she wants.

She has savings. She spends very little.

But she works, and works, and works. 

She says she doesn’t want to get carried out. She said that this night.

And she has taken steps to insure that that will not happen. I agree. I have written as much.

But I am still concerned.

I want to see reality happen before I allow myself not to be.

So that is what I will have to do.

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353. Cultivating The Beach

I wonder if the goal for the rest of my life should not be to set larger and larger goals – about accomplishments and achievements? I mean, forget more power and influence or ratings or readers or fans or whatnot. Focus more on cultivating the feeling that there is always an inner surplus of faith and calm and peace, but also of a sense of beauty and excitement – about things big and small.

It is hard to put into words, but perhaps it is a bit like the feeling you have when you have been at the beach all day long with family on a vacation and everything has gone well. You are calm and relaxed but you also have other sights and experiences you want to see. However, what is important it that your base on the beach, and in the holiday house perhaps – they are there. That sense of a base of calm and rejuvenation, from which you can venture out. I really can’t put it better than that right now.

It doesn’t negate large external goals, like growing my company to have employees – from 10 to 1000, or such. But perhaps that focus on ‘cultivating the beach’ is what underlies it all. If I feel I am moved away from that, while building my company then I am building in the wrong way, at the wrong time or I should not build at all. 

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