122. Principles

I worked for 7 hours trying to fix somebody’s webshop and failed at a lot of the technical stuff, which I thought I knew, but didn’t. So I only billed them 3.

I feel bad about that, but okay about having delivered fair service. And having the courage to explain to them that my abilities fell short, instead of trying to excuse myself or even bill them for all of it.… Read more

121. Messages in a Bottle

Today is my 43rd birthday, and who would’ve thought I’d make it this far? Sure, I live in one of the safest, richest places in the world but the enemies haven’t come from without as much as within.

In 1999-2006 I was depressed on and off, culminating in rampant anxiety, obsessive thoughts and hospitalization in 2005.… Read more

72. The Heart Needs No Distractions

Yes, we try to fix it all … with a little prescribed mindfulness or meditation, perhaps.

But usually we fall by the wayside …

We end up ‘fixing’ only our sense of being swept away by life’s storms, whirl winds – whatever they are.

But we are still swept away … every day …

So we continue to fix by continuing to escape:

Whatever feels like it is too strong for us to control and brings us out of balance all the time – screaming kids or a screaming boss.… Read more

60. A Soul’s Project

A day spent doing two jobs in my firm and writing two job applications, with the best will I could mobilize.

I did laundry also and then walked to my cousin’s cafe in a foggy north-west part of the capital, only to find he wasn’t there.

Instead, behind the extremely diminutive bar, a 28 year old good-looking woman with a master’s degree in philosophy and some trauma from meeting the real world of unemployment soon after.… Read more

13. The Upside

Went to the yearly Christmas gathering at the house of Char’s uncle. It’s nice but by no means extraordinary.

There are a lot of different family members and that means different lives, values, interests – none of them particulary resonant with mine.

But I had good talks all around, especially with Char’s cousin.… Read more