So today started with an argument. I don’t recall much of the substance since perhaps there wasn’t any. But I was frustrated that I could not find a sock, some clothes for Jay and that the apartment still looked messy, while I had to find something else for Char before she went out and we could hardly find time to get some milk on bottle for Saturday when I am to look after Jay alone.… Read more
A day with my first client in a month and then back to home-work with baby Jay and all. Life could go on like this seemingly forever, routine – something I do yearn for (but with more income coming in). Except that this is not real life.
It is a bubble.… Read more
Been wondering a lot when it was time to get anyone to read this blog. Currently traffic is virtually zero but so is my promotion efforts.
With baby Jay, my self-employment bizz and dishes, promotion of this blog just hasn’t been top priority. And logistically it is very difficult. At home I’m constantly interrupted.… Read more
Today I went to see St Joan (Bernard Shaw’s play) which quickened me a bit. Which was good, because I felt grey inside, as if mist had taken up residence in my heart – or swirled dangerously close.
I felt cut off from something vital, perhaps from supportive social circles for some of my higher goals of life, such as this blog and other things.… Read more
Today I tried to put up some of the last shelves but discovered we hadn’t the right screws in our motley collection. Whatever. The whole 2-roomer was a mess again, so that was just one little drop.
Another came when I took down the old shelf-system, which is to be replaced by the new big cupboard for grown-up and baby-clothes.… Read more
Big dreams and visions are about what we want out of life.
I’ve read about shipwrecked sailors drifting around in a lifeboat for weeks or more before they were saved. Or prisoners of war.
What sustained them was not only ‘trying to counter your negative thoughts’.
There is not much you can do to argue with the fact that it is a terrible situation to be in – stranded in a boat drifting the oceans, or in a deep dungeons somewhere.… Read more
Sometimes, more than often, I find myself a bit … low.
In terms of feeling ‘energy’.
It happens with no discernible reason behind it.
I should have slept enough, eaten enough, etc.
Maybe. But still … no clear reason.
Everything feels like drudgery. Life itself even …
I know deep inside, though, that these feelings must be a reflection of something real – if nothing else, then how most of the world sees itself:
Like we are all just droning by life, trying to get enough to do – so we don’t have to think too much about tomorrow or the wider world.… Read more
A day spent doing two jobs in my firm and writing two job applications, with the best will I could mobilize.
I did laundry also and then walked to my cousin’s cafe in a foggy north-west part of the capital, only to find he wasn’t there.
Instead, behind the extremely diminutive bar, a 28 year old good-looking woman with a master’s degree in philosophy and some trauma from meeting the real world of unemployment soon after.… Read more
Didn’t get that much done today on the upcoming company or applying for jobs. Christmas took over, at least for some hours while I went shopping.
On my way to the train I felt ‘grey’ inside; like I’ve done from time to time in recent years. Like life has just become bland, stuck, lost its magic.… Read more