Perhaps I just had to find the courage to choose Something, not wait for the right choice to show up?
Yeah, that's it. The courage mobilization vaporized enough of the fear. Then I could see more of what I really felt. And actually make a decision that - lo and behold - maybe close to what I need to do to feel Okay.
Strange. But worth remembering. Because Big Doubt will happen again.
But so will courage.
I do wish I could just run from it all, but I suppose that is the most natural feeling in the world.
But feeling peace starts with me doing something, no matter the approach I take to the act of creating peace.
And when did anyone ever feel more at peace by the act of running away?
I don't believe I can get a guarantee that everything will 'go well'.
But that's not what I'm looking for.
I guess I'm looking for the feeling of energy and courage that I have sometimes gotten in difficult situations, and feeling that it came from somewhere ... 'beyond me'.
When I asked for it. Or just when I needed it.
That at least I can have faith in.
It's like the breathing exercises my girlfriend has learnt to better manage the pain.
They can't stop it, but they can make pain easier. If you open yourself to the possibility that it can happen.
That you can do it. That there is help.
Anything but curling up in a ball and pretending to be all alone when the sh... hits the fan.
Curling up, like a fetal position ...
But while that version of the fetal position signals fear, there is also another version.
That of birth.
What you could do when feeling overwhelmed is to re-tell this personal story as if it was ... a journey-story. It begins not with a first step, though - but with a map. Our hero(es) are set out to go - like the Fellowship of the Ring - into the big confusing world. They need a map and they need to take time to make that map. So do you. But they (you) also know that once they have a map - even if it's just a simple one - the journey has already become a bit easier.
Start by ordering that part of the outer world which you can, like cleaning your room. Then connect with the energy that you get from that feeling of having made order - so as to be better able to order your inner world next.