But long story short here ... maybe I can live with my webdesign business as it is and just do whatever I am most motivated for and most energized for and have the most time for from April ... to earn more money.
I don't know what that could be, only that - as I have harped about many times before - it has to be something that makes earning income more automatic and passive. As much as possible. Otherwise it can't scale. I can't keep selling hours. And I won't.
So product. Or content that can be monetized, e.g. via ads or affiliates.
Full circle there ...
And then on the side do some CSR or other, when I have the extra surplus. At least it would heighten my motivation to find that type of product or other asset that I am motivated to create.
If I can use that asset to give something to more than myself. That is always a good motivation for me.
It is a mess in my mind right now, but at least I can see some threads that I can bind together.
Right now, though, I will have to wait and let time and my heart delve on this and come up with more precise answers.
And meanwhile keep trying lots of options.
The easy and yet difficult question is that of Stephen "7 Habits" Covey is to ask yourself what you want people to remember about you at your funeral. I like to imagine my spirit seeing my body and thinking back on what I achieved. And spending countless of hours with the 'B's - boners, buzz, breaking news and battleships (any kind of random entertainment) - that just won't hack it.
I'm not a puritan, that bears repeating. But the fact is that I badly want to draw more, now that I have thought and obsessed about this for years and I badly want to do better at business. I have already watched and read thousands of hours of porn, news, and entertainment. Oh, and good books, too - books that are important for your spirit and education and all that.
And I have 20 minutes every day to myself. After Jay starts daycare I might have an hour or two at best, because I still have to spend more time making money.
So those are facts.
They should make it easy to choose how to spend that time for some years in the future.
I'm learning that the hard way, all the time. I'm learning that there are no certainties. Only certain patterns. In business.
And one pattern is negotiation. And as I've said before: You've got to know your deal-breaker. Mine wasn't reached this time, but it was close because I felt insulted. But you can't get personal. You have to give it a try - the deal. Especially in my position.
Then you can always draw away, if it doesn't work. The trick is, as with Big Photographer Client Who Has A Small P, when to draw away. When to throw in the towel. When to walk away.
That is something I can only get better at learning. Here may be a new chance.
Or a good deal.
There seems to be a remarkably close relationship between what we sell, why we sell it and then to how we relate to people who help us sell.
Sometimes there are surprises, though, so take nothing for granted - esp. about other humans.
But be wary when its all about surface and big words and not so much about affecting others in positive ways.
So I suppose, after all that has gone before on this gig, I should feel bad that I did not slam the door, or had the courage change myself enough to slam that door earlier in our 'cooperation'. I mean, I should feel humiliated, shouldn't I?
But, honestly, I just feel kind of ...'whatever'.
Perhaps that is a sign I already have the courage. It doesn't matter that he acted first.
I already know his type (much like my former employer when I was in the health sector):
He is a man who deep down cares mostly if not exclusively about himself. You can give all sorts of reasons - my kid, my ability to make money with other clients, my health, etc.
He will try to make it seem like he cares and then he will make demands again, or shrug off any reasonable arguments from my side that he should not abuse my time. He has already done so on a number of occasions since February. So now I know what I am dealing with.
Including my own feelings, I guess. But that makes for a stronger ability to make choices in my favor.