Char was away from Jay today for the longest time since his birth - 8 hours - and I had to look after him. And I was nervous about that, like any man.
But it went quite well. And I feel totally good about that. I know it sounds trite, but I do feel a bit more being a father because I was able to do this.
Now I know what all the buzz is about.
Many such decisions about what to prioritize - time or family or something else - are made from day to day, and have to be made from day to day. And this is such a day.
Just another day in the business of life.
There are some wise words, if I recall - about economic decisions: They should only be made rationally. With your head, not your heart.
That also goes for the decisions to prioritize other things, which cause you to forego earning money.
this date I will call to check on my mother, and she will sound ... happy.
Despite the new cancer-threat.
Or at least ... in "good spirits", as they say.
Not denying reality, but not sounding like it's about to break either.
I believe that despite her frailty in some situations, my mother has gotten a lot stronger over the years. Especially after surviving one bout of cancer in 2003 but also in general.
I don't know if this signifies anything, but on a day like that it will be enough for me.
“Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.”
― John O'Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
I feel this is true of family, too - as family gets to know each other over the years, and come closer. That is the ideal, anyway. But it exists. It does in my family. And we are blessed because of it.
I had given away and sold hundreds of comics and books in the 9 months leading up to Jay's birth and still it wasn't enough to make room enough for a family.
So I had to give away what really mattered, although it is only temporary.
But felt, even so. A lot, in fact.
I say this about comics, some from the 60s - with unforgettable stories and worth some money. You might say this about something else.
But I'd like to think you'd do the same, if you found that there really was no other priorities that made sense.
there is so much balancing to be done, it feels more often than not like an impossible task. But I should be able to get better at it, at least, if never perfect.
That much I have to believe, and believe it in my heart and soul. Otherwise, what is the point of even trying?
I think it took some time for my mum to get over that we had not revealed our efforts for 6 years to have children; she doesn't like to be kept out.
But seeing her with her grand son, I think she is definitely over that now - seeing her joy. She is right here and now with him.
And so that is all that really matters.
I did consider explaining more to her our reasons for keeping it a secret, all sorts of good reasons, especially when you are in a medical situation others can't do anything about - but worry.
But now ... it doesn't matter. Only the here and now and, in a good sense, the future.
That matters and that is good.