this date I will call to check on my mother, and she will sound ... happy.
Despite the new cancer-threat.
Or at least ... in "good spirits", as they say.
Not denying reality, but not sounding like it's about to break either.
I believe that despite her frailty in some situations, my mother has gotten a lot stronger over the years. Especially after surviving one bout of cancer in 2003 but also in general.
I don't know if this signifies anything, but on a day like that it will be enough for me.
“Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.”
― John O'Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
I feel this is true of family, too - as family gets to know each other over the years, and come closer. That is the ideal, anyway. But it exists. It does in my family. And we are blessed because of it.
I had given away and sold hundreds of comics and books in the 9 months leading up to Jay's birth and still it wasn't enough to make room enough for a family.
So I had to give away what really mattered, although it is only temporary.
But felt, even so. A lot, in fact.
I say this about comics, some from the 60s - with unforgettable stories and worth some money. You might say this about something else.
But I'd like to think you'd do the same, if you found that there really was no other priorities that made sense.
there is so much balancing to be done, it feels more often than not like an impossible task. But I should be able to get better at it, at least, if never perfect.
That much I have to believe, and believe it in my heart and soul. Otherwise, what is the point of even trying?
I think it took some time for my mum to get over that we had not revealed our efforts for 6 years to have children; she doesn't like to be kept out.
But seeing her with her grand son, I think she is definitely over that now - seeing her joy. She is right here and now with him.
And so that is all that really matters.
I did consider explaining more to her our reasons for keeping it a secret, all sorts of good reasons, especially when you are in a medical situation others can't do anything about - but worry.
But now ... it doesn't matter. Only the here and now and, in a good sense, the future.
That matters and that is good.
Wrote to all the attendants at Jay's baptism and thanked them individually for their presents and presence. It took all day, but they earned it.
Not many days and social gatherings you can say that about, so when one shows up, it's important to appreciate just that - and show it.
This Saturday I had not problem being preoccupied by "Society" for I was never a moment alone, cleaning, preparing, working a bit, helping look after Jay. But one of the beautiful parts of it was of course that my brother and sister-in-law and my mother-in-law and my grandmother-in-law all turned up to help us make the place ready which we had rented for the party after the baptism. So there was both the feeling that I wanted to be alone and get away from people and the feeling that I was full of joy because I experienced the best sides of people - what they can do for you when you need them.
We went out today, to the sea-side and enjoyed fantasizing about what it would be like being able to afford living in a house there. And just enjoyed being there, in general.
It was a long day out in the fresh air, esp. for little Jay, who slept like a log when we came home. I didn't get to make any attempts to try to make money or other business.
But if we are to stay a family and it is to make any kind of sense, all of it, this is the kind of investment I have to make regularly. And investments entail risk.