I think it took some time for my mum to get over that we had not revealed our efforts for 6 years to have children; she doesn't like to be kept out.
But seeing her with her grand son, I think she is definitely over that now - seeing her joy. She is right here and now with him.
And so that is all that really matters.
I did consider explaining more to her our reasons for keeping it a secret, all sorts of good reasons, especially when you are in a medical situation others can't do anything about - but worry.
But now ... it doesn't matter. Only the here and now and, in a good sense, the future.
That matters and that is good.
Wrote to all the attendants at Jay's baptism and thanked them individually for their presents and presence. It took all day, but they earned it.
Not many days and social gatherings you can say that about, so when one shows up, it's important to appreciate just that - and show it.
This Saturday I had not problem being preoccupied by "Society" for I was never a moment alone, cleaning, preparing, working a bit, helping look after Jay. But one of the beautiful parts of it was of course that my brother and sister-in-law and my mother-in-law and my grandmother-in-law all turned up to help us make the place ready which we had rented for the party after the baptism. So there was both the feeling that I wanted to be alone and get away from people and the feeling that I was full of joy because I experienced the best sides of people - what they can do for you when you need them.
We went out today, to the sea-side and enjoyed fantasizing about what it would be like being able to afford living in a house there. And just enjoyed being there, in general.
It was a long day out in the fresh air, esp. for little Jay, who slept like a log when we came home. I didn't get to make any attempts to try to make money or other business.
But if we are to stay a family and it is to make any kind of sense, all of it, this is the kind of investment I have to make regularly. And investments entail risk.
As I grew older I saw that even the most opinionated different-valued family member usually wanted to contribute. Sometimes it's a loan, sometimes it's looking after children, sometimes it is helping to fix something in the house, etc. Usually they do this because they are family. In most cases this is what it is like in all families.
There is a will to contribute. You just need to need the help, to ask for it, and, of course, to want to receive and appreciate this quality from your family and put aside your other opinions for a moment.
I always thought it was a cliché, not worth much, that there is this cycle of life and death. Or perhaps of life and new life, depending on how you look at it. But I find at times like these, just thinking of the cycle is reassuring. No matter if anything happens to each and every one of us after our cycle ends.
I don’t get bothered so much that when I discuss, say, the actual prevalence of racism with my highly educated friends, but without basis. I do get bothered when some of my immediate family lapse into more or less thinly veiled racist remarks, without basis. The difference is that I agree with my highly educated friends most of the time – and especially about immigration politics.