No sense to sell out my sense of calm in the present and stress and try various ill-thought through activities to 'insure' I will earn more, in the future.
No sense at all.
Except follow a plan I already have about what to do, when to do it, and be calm when I don't have the time to do it, because of babies, dishes and other life-things.
But I did it fine. Today.
I suppose I should feel bereft, having spent such a long time struggling with this question about making money in better ways - only to end up realizing that I can't solve it now and that I am definitely trying to solve it in a wrong way, a way that does not work and so I should stop.
And wait. See what comes.
That is the hardest part. But sometimes we have to.
Perhaps it is smarter to do as I stated above and then try to create that situation now, which I want, and then expand it gradually as best I can - like a pool spilling over into the areas outside of the pool ... or something.
Instead of pretending or imagining that I am in a desert thirsting and I have to try to reach a pool somewhere in the distance?
I have to imagine I have a small pool now and focusing on making that grow and spill over.
But more often than not, for my own life at least, I've found that I need to balance passion, purpose and profit - not try to force it into one place or activity. One thing I do is what I am most passionate about, work-wise. Another contains the most purpose. Another the most profit. Each contain a little bit of the other, but they are separate.
Will it change in the future? I want it to, honestly. But for now it seems like I have to strike a balance, and learn to strike it better every day. Like most other humans.
Passive income is nothing but a pipe dream - sitting there on the beach, blogging a bit and sipping a drink and then the millions roll in.
But a lot of people are earning from that dream. Just not the ones buying it.
I admit it: I am a self-keep-a-down-holic.
I have hurt more people by not exploiting my full potential and changing the world and earning more money to share than I have by keeping myself down.
I will have to have the courage to look at that statement every day from now on and really feel how much it hurts. Only then, I feel, can I begin to see - deep deep down - that what I have been doing so far has been wrong and has not worked.
I have saved no one, not even myself.
If there is a power in admitting the truth, I so badly want to feel it now.
So ... marketing. That is something I will have to do something about, because currently nobody is visiting The Blog. Except one or two people a week, and I don't even know if they are people. They might be robots ...
But fair enough. These are some hard insights and I'm not sure I won't get impatient again and try to channel (too much) energy into improving my web-business or my live talk income when I should really just focus on building and marketing The Blog, and eventually develop products for it.
I'm not sure at all.
But now I am sure of what I want. And that is worth a lot.
I may not get what I want in terms of money, but I will get answers. I have to. I can't just let all those rivers carry me away anymore - to a destination I don't decide.
I decide one thing and that is that I WILL have answers. For my sake. For my family's sake.
I will fight for myself and my happiness. I will.
And at the very least I will get knowledge.
And in that decision alone, lies hope.