So keep cool and don't work in the weekend, at least not yet. And not unless the above-mentioned special exception - The Big Really Important Project for The Big Customer. Who is not here these days ...
It is difficult but it makes good sense, to maintain this schedule, even though my income is not good currently compared to expenses. Otherwise I would never have a day off - including a day off from trying to earn money and carve out time to earn money. And then what would be the bloody point?
I feel deeply I need to change my financial situation. I'm sick of it. Even if I'm not living in Ethiopia (far from it), I'm.Still.Sick.
I think that's the only important part here:
I want change so much, in this department (so to speak), I'm more than willing to shit on all sorts of Perfectly Reasonable Reasons why something can't be done or shouldn't be done. (At least right now.)
And so I do. Now I just got to choose a starting date.
How about tomorrow?
No sense to sell out my sense of calm in the present and stress and try various ill-thought through activities to 'insure' I will earn more, in the future.
No sense at all.
Except follow a plan I already have about what to do, when to do it, and be calm when I don't have the time to do it, because of babies, dishes and other life-things.
But I did it fine. Today.
I suppose I should feel bereft, having spent such a long time struggling with this question about making money in better ways - only to end up realizing that I can't solve it now and that I am definitely trying to solve it in a wrong way, a way that does not work and so I should stop.
And wait. See what comes.
That is the hardest part. But sometimes we have to.
Perhaps it is smarter to do as I stated above and then try to create that situation now, which I want, and then expand it gradually as best I can - like a pool spilling over into the areas outside of the pool ... or something.
Instead of pretending or imagining that I am in a desert thirsting and I have to try to reach a pool somewhere in the distance?
I have to imagine I have a small pool now and focusing on making that grow and spill over.
But more often than not, for my own life at least, I've found that I need to balance passion, purpose and profit - not try to force it into one place or activity. One thing I do is what I am most passionate about, work-wise. Another contains the most purpose. Another the most profit. Each contain a little bit of the other, but they are separate.
Will it change in the future? I want it to, honestly. But for now it seems like I have to strike a balance, and learn to strike it better every day. Like most other humans.