Make a decision - try something - no matter what.
And even if it does not work it usually leads you to think about or remember or even learn something that does - to solve your problem.
Sitting around thinking and obsessing and fearing usually leads only to more thinking and obsessing and fearing.
Take action. Now.
sometimes we tend to set conditions for ourselves, like: "I am not allowed rest I need to solve this problem before I can be sure I can solve it - later."
That is totally irrational, of course, but I have been there. If you have read this far, you have too.
But there is a way to defeat this kind of thinking: Recognize it for what it is, and then try - without thinking anymore - to take that break. Allow it.
Go eat an ice cream and look at the sea. And feel better already.
always keeping a focus on building or appreciating something positive.
This is NOT the same as denying a 'negative reality', mind you - but it is about not giving it as much power as it seems to take from you at first: Whatever it is about ...
Death of loved ones ...
General sense of depression ...
And so on.
Train yourself to build something that will oppose and balance the way you DO feel about these realities. Don't deny them. But don't let them take over, either.
Don't deny the joy you feel, for example, about your kids, even if you are sad that your job got canned or that your own father or mother died.
Let us create ... opposition or balance in our life experience to the things we cannot change. Or: Light a fire to keep us hopeful in the dark. Its's an old truth, but it might as well be lived again.
I have emphasized the last part, so you get both the context - my mother's second bout with cancer - and the conclusion that is really important: Light a fire in the dark - to keep yourself hopeful.
That's a way to put it. And yes, that's a really, really old and - some might say - cliche-ridden observation.
But that doesn't make it less true.
I thought I would leave this out because it was so ... banal. But in reality it is probably one of the most important factors in my quest - maybe also your quest - to increase Inner Power:
Learn to control your feelings. And learn the easiest ways of doing that. Learn that there are alternatives to getting overwhelmed by feelings, like anger.
And that most often it works a whole lot better to find the stop button and then come back later and see if the anger is still there, instead of just going with it the first time around.
Very Difficult, I know. But as hinted in the quote above, there are ways to do this which are really simple and banal. So the difficulty lies in trying to find out how to make it a strong habit, to look for those ways for a breather when you feel the cascade of emotions.
So that IS important. Perhaps, as said, the most important component of Inner Power, in my opinion ...
I have a special lifeline by my bed, which is a book about Joan of Arc that I love very much. It always gives me great hope and energy reading about her. So whenever I feel down or something nasty has happened I get a ‘fix of hope’ reading in that book.
I also have a close friend I know I can call at any time, and I know this is a privilege in a way. On the other hand, you don’t get or keep close friends if you don’t work for it. And many people seem to be too busy working their jobs instead of working on their friendships.
– I have some special music I always hear when the going gets tough and I need to persevere at something
– Long walks – wherever I can – are really, really good at giving me energy when I feel a bit down and disheartened. I relax and let my thoughts fly – get fresh air into the lungs. It’s so bloody simple and it works so well.
- And quotes ... I have a few favorites that I paste on my desktop, write down where I can see them, and so on.
Use them like affirmations. Some of them are about being an entrepreneur. Some of them are about perseverance. Some of them are just about guiding my attention to the world’s beauty and wonder. Often I try to find a picture that matches.
There can be crises that are so great that you just need to survive them. Or at least ride the waves until you can even think about which lifeline you even have ready to pull yourself up and go on. Life is not always fully controllable – not even by lifelines.
Think of it as the emergency kit. It doesn’t prevent bad stuff from happening, but it sure alleviates a lot if you have it handy when you hurt yourself in the kitchen. Or greater disasters.
Don't go berating yourself. Don't go berating others.
Berating is another word for criticizing. I mention this because you may think you are not spending time criticizing, merely judging, or evaluating, or 'being a little annoyed'. Words are important, and words used to hide true meanings.
But it is insidious, this particular negative thought habit. It takes tremendous time and energy. And accomplishes next to nothing. It is a relic, I think, from childhood when learning to hit yourself on your head before others did was important. Or something ...
I honestly don't know. I only know that it thrives - this poison of the mind ... in almost all of us.
Get rid of it. The sooner the better.
It basically boils down to timing of your effort to feel better. I suppose that only comes from experience, or mostly. But it is then more important to repeat and try to drill into my own mind, and maybe yours if you can use this advice:
Don't try to re-plan your life or solve a major problem, if you are low on energy, physically and mentally ... !
Get sleep first. Get food. Get a good walk. Watch a movie (but only one) ... Talk to a friend whose company energizes you.
Do something like that - and then find a quiet time and spot to consider your options for new jobs, new relationship, new life purpose, new ... Anything Important.
Do it. Like this.
Of all of these points, I would say the last - making it habitual to detect and destroy negative thought patterns - is the most important. I know it sounds like internet guru course fluff, but it is true:
You have to be able to 'clean up regularly' in your mind if you want to achieve lasting happiness, despite the totally normal mood swings that is part and parcel of human life.
But bad habits in terms of how you think about yourself and the world (i.e. mostly negative) lead to more than just irregular mood swings, they lead directly to depression.
he fourth pillar or principle should then be about controlling the manner in which you think. Or speed. As the tin says.
This may sound lame but I can't stress enough (pun intended) how much it has helped me over time not only to control what I think about (what I let into my mind) and how I think about it (positively/negatively) but also ... the speed. Not letting my thoughts race, in other words.
It has a profound effect on inner calmness and clarity and peace of trying to slow down your thoughts, like you were trying to use them to write a poem instead of just letting all thoughts be a buzz or a cascade that drags you along.