Now I'll have another go. I'll plan what I want to do with my time on the net and do only that and then close it down again. On desktop and phone.
I'm not kidding.
A may come across as a fanatic puritan, but I really, really feel there is much to be gained by trying this.
I am trying it. Including this blog post, and then finish.
But God, it is difficult.
Perhaps that is an indicator of how much it is worth to achieve.
It is not so trite as to say that all things can be made better by only focusing on 'giving me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change'.
It is about focusing more on what can be changed, and realizing this is actually a lot - inside.
What can redeem all of this is if I can put that insight and sense of humility to good use, for myself or others, in the future, and thus leave something of deep value behind.
What will destroy everything that is left is if I allow this sense of being humbled to overwhelm me in despair, shame, self-recrimination, thrown back and forth between these emotions like a ping-pong ball mind.
So I have to choose.
How the hell can you gain anything by not focusing on it?
How the hell can you make something real for you that you badly want by constantly criticizing yourself for not having it?
How can you arrive at a place without setting a course?