I constantly surprise myself. I wanted to have more in common with Tolkien than Hemingway, but I always end up with Hemingway. Or Woolf. Or Dillard, I guess.
I don't measure up to any of them, but we are talking about subject matter here, perhaps the only subject matter there truly is:
After much dithering, I've made a decision. And it happened because I was rejected.
Well, kind of.
I had asked a freelance editor to take a look at my recent short novel. I figured I would pay her, then we could set a date and then I'd be motivated to finish the second draft.
She refused an appointment, ...
I feel too tired right now to type anymore, but I'm sure there is more. I guess life is like that elephant you have to eat in bits.
Very well, that is not a bad meal, if you accept that that is how it is.
I admit it: I am a self-keep-a-down-holic.
I have hurt more people by not exploiting my full potential and changing the world and earning more money to share than I have by keeping myself down.
I will have to have the courage to look at that statement every day from now on and really feel how much it hurts. Only then, I feel, can I begin to see - deep deep down - that what I have been doing so far has been wrong and has not worked.
I have saved no one, not even myself.
If there is a power in admitting the truth, I so badly want to feel it now.
Your power today stems from the past, but you have to look for it and appreciate it. Don't just use the past as a hiding place or some place to feel perversely bitter about.
Use it to remind yourself of the power that you do have. It's not about hair-loss, a bigger belly or a divorce or a failed business or the number on your birth certificate.
It's about something much more important and powerful: What you now know about life that you can and will use to make a positive difference today and in the future.
I'm sick of thinking about this particular aspect of my life in that way: 'I lack'.
It would be prudent of me to train myself to think - without deluding myself - of this aspect of life in new ways. Especially if I never solve it.