12. The Blessed Curse

So I saw Star Wars: Rogue One today with Char and ES and MA, old friends.

It was fairly entertaining and the best since 1983’s Return of the Jedi for me. But a far cry from really moving, although it had its moments.

Strange to say that about a film in which the entire cast is killed off!

Perhaps it’s because Stars Wars is an industry now, not a creative product. Whatever gets made gets made because men in suits decide it in boardrooms. There can never really be a heart in it again.

Star Wars has changed forever. Like I have. Like my old friends, whom I forged a bond with over 25 years ago, when we drew a Star Wars comic together.

An amateur zine, 55 subscribers but approved by Lucasfilm – with an official letter and all. (Well, the story was not approved but that we were allowed to do it – as long as it was non-profit.)

Some things, like certain friendships and certain stories, have a very powerful effect on us in childhood and we keep coming back to them, hoping to find the heart from long ago in them. Even when our minds tell us it’s long gone.

It is a testament to the power of the heart which is both a blessing and a curse.

It is a blessing because the power of heartful experiences by and large is what makes life feel full and rich.

It is a curse because the initial experience can be so powerful that it keeps us locked in.

It keeps us looking for the faint glow of the original experience. It keeps us looking for new embers which might use to fan the old flame …

… long after we are supposed to let it go and kindle a new fire in another place.

But on average, perhaps, it is a blessing that remains. For that is where it started.