153. Detox II

I awoke with my head full of rampaging thoughts, about everything from work to sex to trivialities and I hated it. It’s not as if it happens so often anymore, but it is a reflection of a larger issue:

I still use woefully little of my mental capacity to actually drive towards the goals that mean something to me. I still use precious little willpower to keep my mind on track more of the time.

A lot of the time, and despite my attempts in previous months to detox, I still fall back into just ‘zoning out’, letting all sorts of junk into my mind. If it doesn’t happen by itself, it happens because I let it – i.e. by returning to random internet surfing and the like.

Becoming parents – in a little while – will only make this situation more dire. I will be tempted in the extreme to zone out and sometimes I will have to, just to stay afloat.

But I can’t allow this to go on at least without improving. Then you are allowed to call me a monk.