154. Parking Lot With A View To Investments

So what do you do when it’s like your spouse can give birth any day, maybe this evening, and you suddenly have a new major life challenge that hollers for your attention?

Well, you force yourself to find a place to park it and keep the faith that you can and will solve it later on.

This on is an oldie but not a goodie, namely my sense that for years I should upgrade my social circle as one personal development guru likes to call it. But he is right, even if you don’t like the jargon.

There’s nothing wrong with my existing friends per se, but none of them – none – have any major goals about contributing something to the world that could make it a better place for future generations.

A little lofty, yeah, and yeah it’s important to be a school teacher and a musician, too. I’m not saying it isn’t.

But to be more concrete: I miss people working in the global mission-industries – improve education for all children around the world, create a new and better paid market-place for all indie musicians all over the world, etc.

Global. Scale.

I’ve written about this before, and I thought it would help to seek out an office place in the same building as some of those NGOs that do this kind of stuff.

But in truth, I haven’t been there that much, because I’ve either been home or out working on the addresses of customers. And when I haven’t been there I’ve been working and not really taking my time to interact and get to know people, esp. during lunch breaks.

So, although it’s an improvement, it’s not worth much until I take more action. I want to make new friends, in short, with people who like me – and my girlfriend – wants to do something globally. It doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as it is a global cause in principle.

The practicality of it all may be that they have to work locally, like having projects to help prostitute street children in 5 different countries, but that’s fine. It’s the idealism and the scope that appeals to me.

One of the reasons I got my degree in international development (one part of my master’s degree – the other is about communications) is that I wanted to do something global, to contribute, and to mingle with people who did the same.

Then I got ill, then I got disillusioned with it all, then I got distracted. And here I am, over 10 years later, and don’t really have a network in this sector. Or any other sector like it.

So I’ve got to take lots of action, I feel, to meet new people who have these missions as a major part of their lives, because I really do need it now – again. And I’ve neglected it.

But tomorrow I’ll be at a customer’s all day, and Wednesday we might be at the hospital and for so many days after everything will be about the newborn, and just trying to get by. So I need to pause, bide my time and start slowly.

In some weeks’ time. Or even more weeks’ time.

And I need to trust myself that I will take this yearning seriously and do something about it then. Because I can’t now.

But it feels like a major gap in my life and I feel ashamed and frustrated for having allowed it to grow. I have a lot of explanations for it, and some of them are good, but … the reality is that this lack has become serious.

Despite having otherwise some very good friends, with lots of interesting interests and who are otherwise very good people. And some of then even a little idealistic to the degree I seek.

So there. I have to find a really good parking lot – for that desire. Because it can only be fulfilled a little bit in the coming weeks, like maybe finding some Facebook-groups that make sense to join to meet such people, or more of them.

Otherwise: Park. It.

Like with so much other stuff. Reality is simply knocking on the door. And that’s okay. More than okay.

So … how?

I think what has helped me is that I just finished my first short novel (40000 words, more or less) by just writing for half an hour per day (more or less) for a month and a half  (more or less).

And I’m beginning to think mathematics again: If I can do this in such a short time and with such, relatively, small effort … then why not find new friends?

Again we are back at the fight against the bad habit monster. For that monster has taken more than its fair share of my time that will not come back – for example time for senseless surf on the net, watching YouTube-videos galore and what not.

For quite a few more hours than half an hour per day. For years.

Hundreds, if not thousands of hours. Wasted.

So much can be achieved if only those damned habits are changed. Like … our dreams.

It’s real. So real.

And I see it now so clearly.

So I have to do it.

Not just with investing time to get more friends.

With everything.