158. Beneath All Currents

Char hasn’t given birth yet which means that we have to go to the hospital tomorrow to start medically induced labor. Unless it happens during the rest of today, of course.

Char is 41, pushing 42, so it’s an offer from the health system – that it can be started no more than a week past her term. That’s what they recommend. Otherwise the risk for mother and baby increases by some percentage that I’m not aware of. Not much. But certainly not worth risking. So we have said yes.

I thought I would post something long and deeply profound about how I feel at this junction, but I find that I am just tired. I yearn for it to be over, at least the birth. I yearn to see Jay – to start learning who he is. And I yearn to just get home and get started with being parents.

I think we are prepped as well as can be, practically and mentally, for the event you can’t really prepare for because so much of it is outside of your control or knowledge. So right now I just feel like talking a walk in the sun and then counting down the hours. Maybe do some more edit-work on my short-novel. Definitely not fret about finances or what’s await once I get back to my business mail-folder in two weeks’ time.

Char is in the city for acupuncture which should help the process along, then she has a swimming class (for pregnant women). I just have myself to take care of. And the computer is tiring me.

So I think I will do that. Take that walk. Maybe take a coffee somewhere. Try to recharge.

One thing, though: I’m looking forward, if that’s the way to put it, to how the hospital is going to treat us. You hear so much about stressed nurses and limited resources, in the media. And from a few friends who work in the sector.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I am faintly worried about what if something goes wrong or Char is in great pain and no one has time to help us.

Because of those media stories. Not because I really have statistics that prove this will be the most likely scenario. In fact, I have nothing but the contrary when I think of the times I’ve been to hospital before and people who have told me about their birth experiences. And despite some very real problems with overload in the health sector.

One more reason, I guess, why my Internet detox is a good thing. What the hell happened to the ‘old media’? Why do they think they are still relevant just focusing on negative stories? Why do they think that ‘works’?

I want to focus on our story now and the ways we try to have faith that this, for us, very new and demanding situation – like so many others – ultimately will have some kind of good outcome. Meaning we can feel. Benefit we can use. The experience of help from unexpected sides. Deeper insights revealed. All of the power and beauty of life which is just beneath the surface of seemingly random and dangerous currents.

And I know at least one very good outcome that will outweigh a lot of bumps on the road, this weekend and in the years to come.

And he is our son.