161. Going Through

A really dreadful day and night, perhaps the worst in my life since I was hospitalized 12 years ago¬†for acute anxiety and generally losing my marbles. We shouldn’t have come home so early after the operation and dead-tired and with a little child, but we didn’t know how to say that to the ¬†hospital. It’s not their fault per se. I guess we should have said it. It’s just so damn hard to be clear about your needs when you can’t even think clearly.

But Jay screamed and we didn’t know what to do, and we called people at the hospital and we were going nuts for not having slept for almost 2 days and suffering from the trauma of the emergency cesarean.

There are many things you can to a day-night like this, and it was grueling and it was nothing to be proud of or even something to want to remember, because we were not especially heroic. Just clinging on.

If you are going through hell, keep going.