193. I’m Amazed At How Difficult It Is

… for me to earn money in a way that’s enjoyable.

I’m amazed that at this stage of my life, 43, I have not been able to put my skill, experience, intuition to better use to make more money in more satisfying ways.

I’m amazed and deeply humbled.

What can redeem all of this is if I can put that insight and sense of humility to good use, for myself or others, in the future, and thus leave something of deep value behind.

What will destroy everything that is left is if I allow this sense of being humbled to overwhelm me in despair, shame, self-recrimination, thrown back and forth between these emotions like a ping-pong ball mind.

So I have to choose.