380. On

My God, I just re-read yesterday’s long post and I thought to myself: What a bunch of messy BS …

And I got a real case of flash impostor syndrome … it happens ever so often when I think about what The Blog is for, and who it is going to be good for.

Now, I have tried various marketing ideas but I have to admit I have very little time to actually market The Blog. I have realized that more than once, whenever I tried. In the spring I tried to reach out to other blogs and comment on these.

Then this autumn and winter I have been looking for pictures to illustrate my posts and link back to. And that kind of faded, too, because … it has just taken too damn long.

So the upshot is that I am writing in the dark. I have no real idea – no proof – that people can use what I am writing.

The second problem is that in order for The Blog to serve me and to feel motivated and find new content I have to write pretty much what I think about each day.

As such The Blog is one, HUGE nearly uncensored diary. One tremendously long stream-of-thought … series of thoughts.

I repeat myself. I rave. I rant. I run around in circles. I write clunky. I return to the same conclusions over and over, then forget them. I whine. I am too smart. I am too dumb. I am too superficial. I am too deep.

And so on. It’s like a machine gun going off sometimes in my head with all of these thoughts about why The Blog is not very good and why it can never really be any good.

How is anyone going to find what they need to read to feel uplifted by my sharing a certain experience, when they have SO much to look through?

Even with tags, categories, sticky-post-list-pages and so on?

I try to structure each blog post pretty much the same so it can be read individually or as part of a long – very long – narrative:

1. A Hook Рan everyday problem, thought or situation that I hope people can relate to

2. Setting Review – what is going on and what has been going on in my life before and around this particular time. Trying not to be too long-winded here, but often feel I end up being just that.

3. Reflection – as the tin says. I reflect – sometimes out on multiple tangents. I think. I consider. I analyze. And sometimes I hit something, many times I feel I’m just repeating thoughts. But the point is to think about what it all means and …

4. End on a ‘Poetically Uplifting Note of Sorts’ – concluding with the necessary focus on finding an anchor, a light, a perspective that is useful even if everything feels messy and out of control and dreary and sometimes downright scary

I guess I can only get better over time. And I don’t know if it will help very much once I get my first audience. Some will like it, others won’t. And I will have to decide who to listen to.

So for the moment all I have to go on is The Blog’s usefulness in my daily life, my idea about its purpose and how much I really badly want to live that purpose and … faith. That it will actually end up being a net benefit and help to people who read it.

Which means they will  have to be able to find their way here.

I can only get better at that, too. And nobody is perfect – that includes all the other big blogs out there, whatever they are about.

Some posts are just … blah.

Some are fantastic. That’s how it is.

Especially if you produce every day – or one for every date. (As you may have noticed, I often batch due to Life Distractions.)

So where to go from here – with The Blog – with all this doubt for the nth time about whether it is Good Enough?

I guess there is only one way: On.