544. Inner Space

So what can be done to get more ‘space’ inside – more calm to work, setting aside the problems I talked about last post (as far as possible)?

Pertinent question after a hurricane-like weak with some really problematic arguments between Char and I, Jay being sick and not in daycare, people calling with all sorts of things …

Again, I am not sure.

I think one of the keys is to constantly reaffirm that I am not going to set aside my inner calm to achieve outer goals, except when it is about pure survival or other such necessities.

So if I don’t get calm enough to search for customer and I have an hour or two, without outer space distractions … then I let go and don’t search.

Same with drawing, writing, or even blogging.

I am not going to force myself to do something before I am calmed down. And then I don’t have to force.

Then only task here that merits some force is searching for customers, but since I will be doing temp work for some time from now on – to fill the gaps in cash flow (and I expect to find it), then … that stress factor should not be so dominant.

I should be able, with that temp work in place, to just say: ‘Oh hell – I feel bad this morning. I have 2 hours. I don’t have to do anything but it down, relax and wait until I feel better’.

So no pushing for customer search or whatever.

Sure, then it will take longer to built up a ‘steady’ customer network. And all sorts of other things.

But again, I am simply too old to continue this trend of letting the future keep me hostage and not able to relax and … feel good about being here now. I’m going to do anything to not let that happen.

And then all sorts of goals that I know will indeed give me happiness once completed – they will have to wait a bit longer.

Because I am busy being happy right now.