581. The Only Challenge

On a practical level, my biggest challenge right now would be to carve out enough time to invest in scaling my self-employment as a WordPress consultant.

I want to scale it from chasing gigs to be a business with products, such as ebooks, video-courses and possibly product/service hybrids such as membership forum.

Then there is the challenge to find time to find these (returning) customers for these products/services to at least 30-40K USD/y – which right about would cover my living expenses and credit card/debt payments.

And then some more customers than that.

The customer niche I would like to focus on would be people who need help with the WordPress software and marketing priorities which are necessary parts of a heart business –  but not limited to said customers, of course in the beginning. Until a flow of ‘heart customers’ have been firmly established, I have to take the customers I can get – if they pass my lead qualification etc.

By the way: I am not claiming I can make a heart business.

My own version of said business is barely begun. And needs to be integrated more with this business.

And even if I had made a super-heart-business, I am definitely not claiming my concept could be replicated. What if my heart-business is to sell Egyptian artifacts from a webshop and yours is to sell designer socks?

Yeah. So definitely no claims here.

But I do know a thing or two about the software and communication and marketing that anyone needs – nowadays – if they want to do a small business.

To begin with I want to do this on my native market, where I am based and have a small customer network (Denmark).

But I see no reason not to expand, within my capacity, when I have some formula that works.

And if it is otherwise feasible …

More practical challenges …

Well, that time-thing …

I mean, I have a toddler at home, and I have to constantly chase and service clients for my WP business and then fill in the blanks with temp work …

Realistically I have on average little more than 1-2 hours available for about 4-5 days a week – and sometimes not even that. Sometimes I have a bit more but no energy, especially in the evenings.

I work from home in a crowded 2-room apartment, so there is a space challenge, too, but for the moment it works, when my son is in daycare. I have become kind of immune to mess, although it sure would be nice once to be able to have my own, clean office. But that’s another dream, for another time.

The state of my my mind on this … 

I am 44 years old and have seen and done a few things in my life, including overcoming anxiety attacks, traveling alone in a near-civil war torn country and experienced parenthood, deaths in the family, etc. The usual life stuff, too.

So I do feel I a lot of strength from my journey so far.

But sometimes I am indeed hit by feelings of depression or frustration about my situation. In general, though, I am able to tune these out and focus on getting things done.

I do feel bad and too often – about finances (I’ll get back to that in a moment). But I am nowhere near the ‘woe is me’-level.

I have seen kids work themselves to an early death in the silver mines of Potosí in Bolivia, so I know very well that I already have abundance, and more chances. And that is a strong perspective for me.

But … it also grows a bit stale because generally people seem to be better off than me in this affluent country, and – maybe – to have made fewer mistakes. And that irks me.

And even if it did not … it frustrates me that I have so many problems earning money, so at least to be able to live and contribute to my family.

It is objectively a very weak position I am in now financially, owing to past mistakes in investments of time and money, course changes and add to that things I had no control over, like my anxiety attacks – (until I quashed them, of course 🙂

I have only debt and no material assets. If my girlfriend did not have a good job I would not be able to take care of my child unless I applied for welfare support from the state, or loans from family.

I would not be able to pay more than 3 months of rent and daycare etc. before my credit ran out.

So things don’t look good, but they are far from hopeless.

My view to the horizon … 

All other things being equal – the good and the bad that eventually happens in life – I feel fairly confident that if I am consistent and persistent I can probably grow my business in about 5 years’ time to at least 50K USD/y or thereabouts.

And no more temp work.

Maybe it will take 10 years, but then what – time will pass anyway, right, and there is no alternative to try to make a living and then some 🙂

So my biggest challenge, I suppose you could say, is patience.

For I know the work that has to be done.

I know that I need to be persistent in it.

I know I need to be extra patient and persistent when life rolls rob me off time to do business, like illness in the family, relationship issues and so on.

So patience and then more inner strength.

To be able to be patient and persistent – either when the going gets tough in life or in business and it feels like things stall, maybe even get stuck.

But honestly …

… the biggest challenge is not even that …

It’s not even patience.

It’s not even persistence.

It’s not even endurance.

It’s actually being able to enjoy life more – right now.

And to feel abundance in all other areas of life.

Maybe even feel more abundance in the financial area of life, too – with what I actually have (a better off-spouse, a credit account and so on).

I can wait 10 more years for the money to just flow enough to cover living, debt and then a little savings for later.

I can wait that long for that part of my life to finally work.

I can’t wait that long to be more happy.

I need to be better at just doing what I need to do to build my assets, my business, make the right financial decisions with what I have, etc. etc.

Better at doing what needs to be done to solve a real problem, yes, but without … letting it shadow my mind so much.

Just … let it the fuck go.

And then get all the other abundance in my sights – even more.

Squaring the circle … ?

I have this resistance towards being too ‘Oh, I can just focus on the other abundance, like my love for my son’ (or the fact that we even have kids – ’cause Lord knows it was close that it did not happen). I don’t feel that can just wipe away everything – trying to ignore a certain reality, mental and physical, and focusing elsewhere with everything I’ve got.

I feel deeply that I want to acknowledge and own the problem that … I am financially in a rut and that I am sick and tired of it.

I feel that that is what I have to do.

No denials about my objective financial situation or how I feel about it: It sucks.

But I also feel strongly that I am, well, letting this ‘feeling of suck’ suck the rest of my joy out of my life too much, every day. It shadows me too much. It makes me depressed. It hurts me.

If I continued feeling this way about my finances, including stress and worrying – as badly as I do now – and I got it all working in just, say, 3 years and reached my goals … then those 3 years would have been wasted anyway, I feel.

Wasted because I did not balance my focus more.

Because I did not learn to feel more joy, abundance, etc. – with what I have.

Then I feel strongly, I would have achieved nothing, even if I had reached my financial goal.

Bottom line … 

So on the one hand, I feel I should be totally truthful about how bad I feel about being in a financial rut.

And on the other hand I feel painfully aware that it is the worst I can do to myself to let that feeling dominate anymore. It has to be balanced, and preferably diminished.

But I suppose any balance will make that shadow smaller. Because right now it is damn big. I think about this shit – money – all the time. And the money I don’t have!

I have to just do what I have to do to get that money, but with less stress, and then focus on other joys which I do have. Let them in more.

Otherwise I have lost.

Otherwise I am lost.

So I need to learn to do this … 

– acknowledge my ‘bad’ feelings about financial scarcity

– and at the same time let go of them and focus on just living the best I can, every day.

Before there are no more days.

That is the only true challenge that I have with regard to abundance.

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