615. Where Is Abundance – Really?

Speaking of going forward …

This Abundance course is beginning to rub me all the wrong ways. Here is one:

I feel increasingly disconnected from the community around the live calls.
For example, the other evening when I dropped in, I was really excited that our coach (can I call him that?) was talking about his own spiritual experiences etc., but I felt like some guy coming to a football match in the last 20 minutes and then trying to get myself worked up cheering with the rest of the spectators for our favorite team.

What’s going on here?
Well, I have a theory: When I joined in the last minute I did it because I wanted to feel part of the community and the live-experience, and I told myself it would enough if I could just make 25 percent of the calls.
I can’t even do that, it appears, and even if I could it does not feel like enough – now that I have tried a few calls and felt the energy there.
I’d rather pass and then feel the good vibes, if any, in another way – and when at some point I get the chance to take some days off and listen to many calls in a row – just me.
Some nights ago I discussed with Char if we should prioritize that I make these calls instead of helping with Jay when he won’t sleep, with cleaning up, etc.
Char offered that she would handle it all alone, even though she just started a new full time job and has to get up quite early for it. But the next day I said to her: “You know what – I don’t feel very abundant shutting the door to you and Jay in the evening to listen to this call and chat, when I could just leave it all for later and still get something out of it!”
At least that was an abundance lesson – about the worth of my family – which came in really loud can clear 🙂
So what now?
Well, nothing really.   I accept what is and I will listen to the calls, a bit here and a bit there, in my own good time and maybe I will write a few notes purely for myself. I will use the the calls as they were intended to be used (as well).
I genuinely feel this course is tremendous value for money – almost too much value.
But I also feel there is something deeper that rubs me the wrong way – deeper than my inability to participate live very much. So what is that?
Perhaps worth exploring, even if there is a monkey somewhere in my mind screaming that I am a failure for even thinking this way.
I mean, if you don’t get with the program to create abundance in your life now – or at least later – then isn’t it your own fault, all of it?
Perhaps. Or perhaps there are more abundant perspectives on reality than this one course in “abundance” can give.
And I mean to explore them all.