616. If I Feel Bad

How do you know if somebody with authority is wrong?

How do you really know, even if they couch their own sayings in a more or less receptive: “I am open to all perspectives – but this is my perspective” … ?

And then you get attached to that perspective because there is something in it, or in that person’s life, which you don’t have and which you wan.

Like self-confidence and money and a sense of having accomplished it all. Of having reached some kind of peak or pinnacle.

‘Won the game of life’.

Even if they keep telling you (the same stories) about their problems and how human they are, their behavior and lifestyle radiates that they ‘won’. They are ‘superior’.

Or is that just a projection? Of my own sense of inferiority?

I think it is.

There could certainly be a mismatch between how some persons are privately and how they are marketing themselves publicly, especially if they are selling something – even if it is just their own brand … or reinforcing their own perception of who they are.

There usually always is.

I mean, when was the last time I felt like blogging about how I behaved like a git when somebody parked in front of me?

Okay, I may have done that a couple of times but I can assure you I don’t do it very often.

Because even here – on The Blog – I like to come off as better than I probably am in reality. And that … is reality.

And so it surely is for most other people, if not all.

So the story about self-confidence as well as achievement is always subject to critical evaluation and should be.

For anyone. For ourselves – for the others.

It is when we start to doubt that there is a case here – that we ourselves see things in a valid way … then there is trouble.

There is even more trouble, if we start to doubt that our doubts are valid – at all.

The priest would say we are not faithful, we are straying.

So anything which is not orthodoxy – even an orthodoxy that presents itself, paradoxically, as infinitely accommodating and flexible … that is false.

And if I am being cryptic here, then I regret it. But I want to write about this in a general way because I believe at the end of the day, no matter what genuine faults other people have, the buck stops here – at my desk.

If I feel bad about the way somebody is, then I should take a good look at myself and ask myself:

“Why do you feel bad about this person because he is so self-confident?”

“Why do you feel bad about her, because she is so rich?”

Well, maybe because I don’t feel particularly confident myself, or rich myself.

And so that is where I should start building abundance.

And maybe I can only be my own teacher here, because those feelings are so strong. At another time I can have a teacher who is a lot richer and more self-confident, but at this time there are hollows within me that need to be filled before I can listen neutrally to such a person.

And not filter what I hear through my own feelings of inferiority and distort it all and feel bad, which is not the idea.

I can probably learn from others, who are … somewhere else, but still have these qualities (e.g. of being self-confident and rich) more than I have.

I probably can.

But I have to start with myself.

I have to start building my own sense of being rich, or abundant, or powerful or whatever works for me.

I have to start building my own sense of self-confidence, from other criteria then somebody else’s criteria. (Or what I perceive them to be.)

In English: I have to start looking at and appreciating what I can do, instead of being obsessed about what others can do – or appear to be able to. And let that overshadow my own qualities and accomplishments.

Isn’t that the simple, natural truth?

Yes, and it is very hard.

But worth giving your life for.