83. Longing

A day when I did go to the cinema to watch a live transmission of theater (NT Live) with a friend, which was very nearly perfect. A high point on a day of a life journey in some ways.

A point from which you can feel elevated and ‘more cultural’ than others, if you want.

You can also remember that a lot of the day was spent preparing for a particularly challenging customer, updating websites, assessing negotiation strategies and running through clammy drizzle to the grocery store.

That mix is both true of life and therefore beautiful …

… and at the same time annoying…

(I guess a part of me wanted the culture only, not focused concerns about money-making – or the rain.)

Still … as I waited for the train home, I began to think about the next step – a product that I would like to develop.

Maybe not even about web-services.

Maybe about something more.

I didn’t get to a resolution – of what it should be. Like on so many, many other days.

But I did feel that I had come nearer in some indefinable, but exciting way.

Perhaps because I had given myself the freedom to go all-out with creating products and services, but daring to cut my insurance and just live off what I can create.

Perhaps because it truly is time for something more in my life – in this life.
Perhaps. I do not know.

But as I remembered them, these words of John O’Donohue seemed to ring true as well for this day:

Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving toward the summit of fulfillment.