649. The Trick

Whenever I feel like getting depressed, it usually helps to look at pictures of the world – of people – nature – everything.

Pictures that remind me of beauty. Like … Unsplash. But really, there are lots of places on the ‘net.

And in the world.

The trick is to remember that you need to look for them, whenever you feel that shadow coming into your heart.

639. What If Peace Was Right Now?

What if I did not seek to escape work anymore which was not fully my passion? What if I kept building my webdesign business so it was sustainable and then profitable, paid off debt and saved for the future with those funds?

What if I over the years invested diligent time in a more passionate type of work, which could be something like my Distant Mirror-project and then at least gave it a chance to supplant wholly or partially my income streams from other sources?

What if I accepted that this may never happen, if nothing else then because I don’t have time to invest in this serious, time-consuming project – to make it something in less than 10-20 years or more?

What if I stopped looking for the quick way out?

What if I accepted that it is okay that some parts of life aren’t so fun as other parts of life, esp. when it comes to making money?

What if I began to appreciate more that my other sources of money – webdesign and other types of work – have their advantages, too? Like interaction with real people – for whom you make a real difference? Maybe creeps as well sometimes, yes, but mostly good people – even if they don’t have a website or business that interest you. But want something good – to make something good?

What if I stopped paying people who promised a way out – easy or not – if only I followed their program?

What if I stopped paying people so they could have their passion business (which is about teaching others to have a passion business) and then paid more attention to making ALL of my life as passionate as possible, in every situation, in every moment?

Wouldn’t that give me what I seek right away?

A change of mind. A courage to be very normal and not spectacular.

A break with the crowd. No, not that crowd – the other crowd. The crowd that thinks it is better than the crowd.

What if?

Why not?

624. Turning

So from now on I will use affirmations pretty much 24/7 about how money is flowing to me, in all the variations that feel right. In all the ways that feel right.

I do believe this can have some sort of metaphysical effect of ‘attracting’ money, but this post is not long enough to explain why I do believe – to a degree – that that is possible.

Suffice to say I’m not a big fan of the uncritical New Thought gurus out there who just throw it out as fact – that this can work and then fail to explain why the hell it is like that. Does God have a sick sense of humor or what? Why didn’t He/She/It give the billions of poor people in the world the power and insight to attract a little more food in their lives, then?

No, there is a cosmology here that I have, and which is required to be able to believe the results you apparently get. Because as some people I know are fond of reiterating: If you do this right, you do get results! You can’t prove, however – they also stress – that this is not just coincidence. You can only get to a point where things seem to happen enough and then you have to make a choice and decide if you believe in it or still deny it.

So much for philosophy.

But I’m not here to create metaphysical money first and foremost. I’m here to create peace in my mind.

One of the things that almost destroyed me when I was depressed and suffering from anxiety in the early 00’s was how much my mind worked against me – always found all the worst outcomes and focused on.

So the primary objective of this Change is to teach myself to focus positively, by allowing myself to actually FEEL what it would be like if money flowed freely in my life, if I had enough money.

To feel it. But fully knowing it is imagination. Like sex. But you imagine that as well all the time because it feels good, right? You don’t run around imagining that you never have sex (well, some may do – but … never mind).

So I need to empower myself and I do this first by changing my focus here. Permanently.

619. Yes It Is

You are afraid you are not lovable, or ‘good enough’, if you don’t follow certain recipes for life and how to live it. 

Even more, actually, than you are afraid of not getting the actual results. Like: You are more afraid of not feeling good enough than you are of actually failing in making money or finding the right religion.

If that really is the case … then you should go out there immediately and fail. And fail again.  And dare to be wrong.

Until you feel okay with it.

And find some people – good, constructive people – who will support you in that process.

(Not the drinking buddies, please … )

Do that and then come back and try some of the recipes for the good life, the good spirituality, the good relationship, the good everything – if you think they still have merit.

But do it from a base of strength and self-confidence and above all: Self-love.

Otherwise it is worthless.

And you know why.

It is worthless because it is a more basic need to be loved than to be rich, or popular, or spiritual.

And none of these things can feel good, or even come to pass likely, if you do not start loving yourself first.

And that can only happen if you dare to be wrong and face the consequences of some choice which seems not be in in alignment with some authority whose love you crave. In replacement for your own love. And perhaps more so than any particular advice they are able to give on any particular need or topic … 

So this is it again, then?

That same old, old lesson – that I have returned to countless of times in my life.

This is it?

Yes, it is.

617. Making Sense

I mean, if I know somebody who is filthy rich and who says: “Oh, I got to this point by using this or that opportunity – you can easily do that” … 

Well, it rubs me if it ain’t so easy for me and if this persons seems incapable of understanding it.

Sure, there may be some validity to it, but the lack of empathy rubs me. Or maybe it is the lack of horizon when you are in an ivory tower. (There always seems to be a very limited view from up there.)

Okay, but if I know somebody like that, does it make sense to spend a lot of time trying to understand how he or she got his/her riches and then sift truth from hyperbole?

Maybe it does. In some cases.

It probably does.

But in this case … right now?

With all the different persons I can think of – that I feel rub me the wrong way?

Even just a few?

Isn’t there a better way?

How about just lining up all the constructive things that balance your POV on these people – so it is not overly positive or overly negative?

Should not take more than 5 minutes and will do a world of good.

616. If I Feel Bad

If I feel bad about the way somebody is, then I should take a good look at myself and ask myself:

“Why do you feel bad about this person because he is so self-confident?”

“Why do you feel bad about her, because she is so rich?”

Well, maybe because I don’t feel particularly confident myself, or rich myself.

And so that is where I should start building abundance.

And maybe I can only be my own teacher here, because those feelings are so strong. At another time I can have a teacher who is a lot richer and more self-confident, but at this time there are hollows within me that need to be filled before I can listen neutrally to such a person.

And not filter what I hear through my own feelings of inferiority and distort it all and feel bad, which is not the idea.

I can probably learn from others, who are … somewhere else, but still have these qualities (e.g. of being self-confident and rich) more than I have.

I probably can.

But I have to start with myself.

I have to start building my own sense of being rich, or abundant, or powerful or whatever works for me.

I have to start building my own sense of self-confidence, from other criteria then somebody else’s criteria. (Or what I perceive them to be.)

In English: I have to start looking at and appreciating what I can do, instead of being obsessed about what others can do – or appear to be able to. And let that overshadow my own qualities and accomplishments.

Isn’t that the simple, natural truth?

Yes, and it is very hard.

But worth giving your life for.

613. I Know the Answer

I asked myself on more than one occasion:

‘What would help me achieve my goals –

1) shred this guy’s opinions and perspectives about the goal


2) go do the actual stuff that leads to the goal being accomplished?’

It’s crazy that the human mind is so construed that you even have to ask that question, but there it is.

And I know the answer.

612. Shorten It

One thing I learned at hospital many years ago, and after I got out, is that you can’t win by waiting for the perfect solution to come up before you act.

You have to act, step by step, to do something that works. In other words: If you feel like 90 per cent crap and you go do the dishes because that is all you can muster the energy to do, then that is better than sitting and trying to think of the perfect solution.

What to do to heal all your wounds, use all your time for the best, etc.

Think about that before you act, and you can think a long time.

593. July Days (IV)

Aside from peace, only this counts – for the foreseeable future:

– My relationship, or salvaging what I can (without sounding overly dramatic)

– The Lines (more on this later)

– Earning Money

I shall think of nothing else and do nothing else, but these three things. Except when it is necessary.

Like taking care of Jay. Going to work. Doing dishes.

Not social media. Not random surfing. Not loafing around. Not anything remotely like that.

These are the July Days and they shall last.

591. Paramount (Or: July Days II)

So this is what I know:

Peace is paramount. The basis for all else.

If an action gives no peace, change the action – or change the thought about it.

If a thought gives no peace, stop it – move the focus to another thought. Get some better energy in your mind. The no peace-thought can wait a bit. Don’t worry. You will come back to it. You just need to rest. Everybody is allowed that, right?

When you feel enough good energy from that move, then – and only then – go back and confront the un-peaceful thoughts. Try to change it. Deconstruct it. Counter it.

Go back to it. If it is still there…