629. Deeper

Whether or not the universe is essentially “loving” as it is called here is one of the Big Questions of spirituality, religion and philosophy since the dawn of humankind. Anyone who asserts that this is so should IMO be able to answer why and how this is so, when the world we live in is obviously not so.

And a lot of people assert it, especially if they sell books or courses about how you can change your thoughts and beliefs about the universe and then goodness, especially money, will start flowing to you.

But … in case you forgot: Try Google News for awhile and see how many articles it finds about children being killed for the most insane reasons (some weeks ago I read one about a mother throwing her daughter off a bridge). I can only assume that the Google algorithm delivers news that most people click on. And it has always been so that bad news have a magnetic attraction … but I digress: the bad news is there. The question is how to interpret it.

How the hell (yes, hell) do we square that kind of experience of … well, evil … with a “loving” universe?

Well, we can try. We should try. Otherwise … what else is there to do but sink into frightened escapism or superior atheistic cynicism or argument-proof and ultimately irrational religiosity? 

I have personally gotten a lot from constructing a worldview based on near-death experience reports, reincarnation research and a few select modern mystics, such as my fellow Dane, Martinus Thomsen (1890-1981), who did an impressive book series about why the world is as it is and why that is ‘good’ anyway.

But as with the smaller things in life, that general experience that the world is actually ‘good deep down’ does not become real until you, well, experience it. Often in very concrete ways. And it can be set back, for example if you have trauma as some here have mentioned.

But for myself I am mostly reminded that I believe the universe is … somehow better than I feared … in times of trial. Like when I was hospitalized with a serious illness 13 years ago, or when our first child was born and it was a very difficult birth. Not immediately, obviously, but after a period of trial when I have tried to reconnect with the universe, so to speak. I usually use prayer to connect with that Greater Something Or Other which some call “God”; but also affirmations, and I have a feeling that both work and move me, either to better situations or give me the strength to endure.

I can’t accept that the universe is “loving” through superficial proof alone, though, like having 200 synchronicities happen each year when I ask for something or other. And I have had my share of synchronicities that seemed Very Hard to explain away as coincidence, and I feel I have been helped by Something Greater as explained before – in times of need.

However, for me personally I need a cosmology – and a rational one at that – to allow myself to interpret these events positively. And to accept that some children get thrown off bridges, but that there may be more than just that horrible outcome. If the universe is “deeply loving” then there is more. As well as some kind of meaning behind what happened there, even if you might have to delve deep into concepts of karma and past lives to produce an explanation that helps. And even if that explanation helps you, it might not help the grieving family.

I recommend reading books like Conversations with God to get a very good supplement to and foundation for the view that the universe, at its core level is “deeply loving”. I also recommend, as mentioned, reading about near-death experiences – e.g. on iands.org. But it is my strong experience that each person needs a slightly different shared insight, such as another version of these sources – and then a slightly different personal experience – to accept that positive world view.

And even then … acceptance of a positive world view (with this particular spiritual flavor) is often something that flows and ebbs. For pretty much all human beings. It does so for me all the time, when I see bad news or experience it myself and then I have to remind myself of my particular ‘faith’ and seek out reinforcement for it – somehow.

614. Going Forward

I felt very strongly that I had to divide my life into three perspectives:

1. What helps my overall life purpose
2. What helps me pay the bills from day to day and support my family
3. What gives me energy and is fun

Sure, I’d love to not have to do any of the work in no. 2 category, but it worked better once I found  a way – and I think I have – to meet my needs with no. 1 and 3: Purpose and passion.

“The way”: Basically a little more creative conclusion on each of these subjects – passion and purpose – than before … 

I knew about Joan of Arc as a role model. I have known about her all my life. I have wanted to be like her. But now I feel I can. I can be the essential part of her – the trust-in-the-Higher-part.

And my God (pun intended) – it feels good to be serving myself more of the good stuff: Drawing. Deliberately. Pushing other people and priorities out of the way.

What went wrong until now? Why didn’t I get it as right until now as I feel I am getting it now? 

I have to go back and look (in older posts), but right now I’d rather go forward.

293. That Is What We Do

I spend at least 2-3 hours per day cleaning, washing, shopping, cooking and doing dishes, and I can spend those hours better. Like trying to make more money than we pay the cleaning lady.

So I just have to do that.

And be patient until I can do that, because cleaning lady or not, I still have to get up at night and carry Jay to Char so he can get his food – and many times during day, changing diapers, everything. We can’t hire us out of that as long as Char’s hand is damaged.

We can only wait and remain calm and have faith that we have enough money – and help from our families – to do this, without too much cost.

So that is what we do.

272. Joan of Dark

I will leave you with the image even so:

Joan of Arc cursing her fate in a dark prison cell, crying, praying or even bargaining – to avoid it all. To go back to normal.

To … somewhere that is not where she is.

Desolate…

I will leave you with that and ask you:

Is she still beautiful?

The answer will decide much for you and how you will live with – or eventually escape – your own prisons.

It has for me.

269. Reason

If I should believe in a more advanced version of this cosmology I just outlined – walk the talk – I would have to have faith that when the time is right people would begin to remember, just as I believe I have done.

This remembrance could take the form of an experience – say, of being helped when praying in whatever manner feels right for the individual.

It will come when the time is right because we all connected to a power – a wholeness – some call it “God” – which drives us towards this point, but also allows us to remain in ignorance as long as it fulfills an overall purpose of ‘recharging’ our mental batteries; providing enough contrast of experience so we can exist on in more boundless dimensions for a good chunk more of eternity – once again.

That is the kind of perspective I guess I have to keep, although it is not satisfactory in and of itself. I would like to help those who are ready to open themselves to the Bigger Perspective. I would like to recognize those fellow humans better.

So I can act, perhaps on an inspiration, and give them what they need. Not to believe in a specific religion but to gain more hope and well-being, like I described above, and then some pointers for setting out and finding their own answers.

Answers which can be experienced and have practical relevance in people’s lives … they must not just be answers that are purely abstract and cannot be tested or experienced.

We have had enough of these from established religions.

179. How We Can Have Faith After That Event

So does that mean I can say that I am now relieved after the birth-experience, able to feel we are helped to heal and even to see a meaning in what happened?

No. Not yet.

I can only keep affirming what I did before – that I have faith that we will be helped to heal and to find meaning, our meaning, in what happened.

And then report the results as they come in.

If you think about it, that is not such a bad deal when it comes to faith.

And it certainly is a test of faith.

But I suppose that is good and right. How else can we experience faith if it is not tested?

158. Beneath All Currents

I want to focus on our story now and the ways we try to have faith that this, for us, very new and demanding situation – like so many others – ultimately will have some kind of good outcome. Meaning we can feel. Benefit we can use. The experience of help from unexpected sides. Deeper insights revealed. All of the power and beauty of life which is just beneath the surface of seemingly random and dangerous currents.

And I know at least one very good outcome that will outweigh a lot of bumps on the road, this weekend and in the years to come.

And he is our son.

146. Indivisible

I know I’m counterproductive if I intend to have more faith on the spiritual level and then with the other part of my mind go out on a frenzy to find new clients to be ready for me – after my self-imposed leave to help this family start up.

I have to act intelligently, of course, in all business and economy matters. I’m not going out to buy a Mercedes right now. Fine.

But aside from that: I’ll really try and make every intention in my mind go in the same direction.

I know – deep deep down – that it is wrong, to try to affirm faith in something as personal and powerful as a childbirth and that it will go well and then at the same time fret about money.

Either you affirm that overall all things will turn out well, and that you believe in this, no matter the bumps. Or you don’t.

Faith is indivisible.

143. The Point

There should only be room for so much in my mind right now, like my son. And so, I have to force myself to have faith, in a number of things, even if I’m not very good at it.

But maybe that’s the whole point of this particular experience, in a number of ways.

73. Positions

I don’t believe I can get a guarantee that everything will ‘go well’.

But that’s not what I’m looking for.

I guess I’m looking for the feeling of energy and courage that I have sometimes gotten in difficult situations, and feeling that it came from somewhere … ‘beyond me’.

When I asked for it. Or just when I needed it.

That at least I can have faith in.

It’s like the breathing exercises my girlfriend has learnt to better manage the pain.

They can’t stop it, but they can make pain easier. If you open yourself to the possibility that it can happen.

That you can do it. That there is help.

Anything but curling up in a ball and pretending to be all alone when the sh… hits the fan.

Curling up, like a fetal position …

But while that version of the fetal position signals fear, there is also another version.
That of birth.

1. The Best Position

Two people, out of the blue, approached me and gave me hope there was a demand for my services in my planned company, after I had struggled with myself about this issue for many hours and come to a decision:

I felt like despair but decided to affirm that I would get help eventually. Was this coincidence? I think not, but does it matter, if it works? Even if these people had not ‘popped up’ as quickly as they did after I made this decision to nurture faith and not despair, it would at least be a mindset that had given me a better, calmer place inside from which to fight – to make what I wanted real.