635. Jumping In

In terms of my Distant Mirrors project idea …

I would like to evolve my live-talk business, when I have enough time to invest, so it can replace more of my income from webdesign (and temp work). My dream is to have a YouTube channel or similar with thousands of subscribers who then fund me via donations and possibly a bit of merchandise sales.

I have, however, no clear offer for that channel which I feel confident enough about to start with. I was thinking about drawing and talking about what we can learn from historical persons, doing and recording live-talks, doing slide-shows as I do for my live-audiences or any combination thereof. But aside from the entertainment value and the pretty broad ‘let’s learn from Joan of Arc etc.’ I don’t feel I have a clear enough value proposition – yet. Part of the challenge is, of course, that if you are interested in history you might not be interested in the same part of history or the same persons that I am interested in.

My gut feel is that I should probably just go with broad entertainment value at first and do whatever the hell I like and “see who shows up” in the words of a marketing mentor I had a few years ago.

As much as I find it beneficial to implement ideas that are more concrete and use-oriented, in this case I have a feeling that it stifles me to make this project too much of a collection of problem-solving products, videos or otherwise – as I know most professional marketers in the online info-business like to recommend.

But there are huge YouTube channels out there on a wide scale of production values and with many followers and it certainly seems to me that their attraction, aside from the topic matter, is that “unique essence” and experience you mention as USP.

So … that’s likely where I will start, with whatever time I can scrape together to invest in it in the coming years and months.

I have the bitter experience that if I don’t start with something that gives me energy right away, then I usually stall. So I will just have to keep at it long enough to see if it can become a project that give other people energy as well.

I think so, but I don’t know. I have to jump into it to find out. Risk the investment.

Isn’t that what life is all about?

631. The Upside

Having children changes a lot to put it mildly.

On the downside you get to have to earn more money and less time to yourself. On the upside … well, everything good about having children – and then this perspective that you want something better for them. Including bettering yourself.

Char and I have had some rather exhausting discussions about money over the summer and I have had worries to go with that, but I often get back to that perspective:

“This is not Somalia. Our problems are solvable. I want to be a better example for my son.”

I.e. focusing more on solutions than arguing and throwing guilt around.

That is the only way.

613. I Know the Answer

I asked myself on more than one occasion:

‘What would help me achieve my goals –

1) shred this guy’s opinions and perspectives about the goal

or

2) go do the actual stuff that leads to the goal being accomplished?’

It’s crazy that the human mind is so construed that you even have to ask that question, but there it is.

And I know the answer.

609. The Starting Place

If you need something – money, validation, etc. – then it can be hard to create.

Creation springs from a feeling of abundance. There are already so many ideas and visions that you want to ‘get out’.

If you are caught up in fear that you don’t fulfill your need – any need – by not creating, then you automatically diminish your ability to create from that place of abundance.

Because you step into another place, another mindset, another feeling – which is not abundant. Not brimming with ideas. Not open to inspiration. Not open at all.

It is closed and looking for a way out to satisfy the fear.

So that is worthy practicing if you are a creator of any kind – starting to create without any needs at all!

608. Pick One

You believe your other ideas have merit and that they should sidetrack your ‘first’ big idea.

But if you are really working hard to realize one idea, you are also committed to it and putting energy into it, and if it has true merit, you will easily be able to keep the other ideas waiting.

It will feel good to know there is something afterwards – some more ideas to implement.

It will feel better and more attractive than any distraction.

593. July Days (IV)

Aside from peace, only this counts – for the foreseeable future:

– My relationship, or salvaging what I can (without sounding overly dramatic)

– The Lines (more on this later)

– Earning Money

I shall think of nothing else and do nothing else, but these three things. Except when it is necessary.

Like taking care of Jay. Going to work. Doing dishes.

Not social media. Not random surfing. Not loafing around. Not anything remotely like that.

These are the July Days and they shall last.

588. Now I Won’t And Good Riddance

One weed that has bothered me a long time is Donald J. Trump. Both before and since his election I’ve been spending, say, an hour at least per day following his merits, or lack thereof.

Hoping, I guess, he would somehow do something that was terrible enough to get booted out, first of the election then of the White House.

Well, he is doing lots of terrible things and saying even more terrible things.

And the truth is that he will still do that whether or not I junk-read news about him. So that stops right now.

I won’t spend a minute more of my life polluting my mind with focused reading about this man. Why should I?

I mean, if he blows up Latvia because their president didn’t retweet one of his bullshit boasts then I’ll be sure to find out soon enough.

569. Wonder Like It’s 1999

I went to a therapist in 1999, when I first started experiencing depression. She told me I should get up each morning and draw for 25 minutes.

Get up early and draw before anything else.

She told me that – and other things.

I tried to do this for a while and failed at it. And things got a lot worse.

Not necessarily because of me stopping the drawing-routine, but I have always wondered.

Now, recently I started drawing again in the morning. I have an idea for (another) graphic novel …

But the point is that I feel really, really good about this routine.

And it wasn’t so difficult – the first week at least.

And now I can see results!

So I will go on. And see more results.

And feel more good.

564. It Is Useful

… to remember that when you feel despair about something, then it can stop that feeling long enough for you to take constructive action, if you ask yourself a question:

‘Does this help me change the situation I despair about  – that I continue feeling despair?’

(Hint: The answer is never ‘yes’.)

That somehow seems to shake me enough to feel up to acting.

559. No Alternative to Dreams

I realize and remember that there is no alternative to hope. 
Even if you have to wait to begin hoping for something better because your mind feels like ice.

What you can’t throw away is the awareness that there has to come a time again, when there will be a thaw. And then wait for that time.

The alternative is to wait for nothing, which is death, and that is not an alternative.

526. Not So Useless

There is a belief that says that you can attract anything you think long enough about in a positive, affirmative way.

Even if you discard the metaphysical component of that belief, I find again and again that the action of focusing on what you want, positively, affirmatively … is good.

It can spur you to action. It can spur your subconsciousness to release new ideas to you.

It can make you look for opportunities, you hitherto would not have looked for – or discovered even when you ran into them head-on.

And at the very least, it can make you feel hopeful if you are clear that this is a hope you entertain and not some bogey way of trying to convince yourself that reality right now is otherwise.

And that exercise is actually not so useless at all …