Had a few hours for myself before noon one day, and felt strongly – despite Everything Else That Requires Attention – that I should focus on Hammer & Magic. Get that writing project up again and running.
If nothing else then for the sake of feeling some of the, well, magic in life. I have a tendency to push that away, and I don’t want to feed that tendency. It’ll be one of those things I regret when – sooner or later – I have to leave.
Since I did not have a lot of time, I started wanting to do a new chapter. But then I halted.
The characters felt like they had grown ‘cold’. I could not write about them.
I knew what had to be done. And now I had only an hour and a half left.
But I had to read all of the existing 79 pages, or as many as possible, once more. From the beginning.
Then, I knew from experience, the world would come alive to me again. And I would certainly be ‘warmed up’.
Unfortunately, my time would also be up. This time.
But I made the choice to read.
I was – and I am gambling that that is the correct choice. That it is an infusion of that writing-energy that I need.
Especially to be able to find more time, where hitherto I thought there was none.
Clearing a writer’s block … It is all about tapping into the energy again … like warming up before doing exercises or sports.
The question about which warm up method is best must not stall me too much, though. I have to act. So I do a thread on AH.com and we will see what happens.
That is the best way, as always, to get the energy. To do something – anything at all, really. Instead of just sitting and thinking and feeling more and more stuck.
But I also really want to write again. Just keeping the flames alive.
So I have to.
Whenever I say that, I know I have to. There is no way around it.
As long as I write in the alternatehistory.com forum and have a few readers and discussions about aspects of the story.
That is a good way to cultivate this Element of my life – to have it in my life. But it is an end to itself. Not a means to something else, like money later on.
I can go through the motions and finish stories and try to monetize them in some way but really … as I see it now, it does not matter what happens.
I realize I entertained such thoughts before, but … so what else is new.
Maybe it is a good thing they are entertained no longer.
It is amazing what imagination can be packed in a few blurry lines, which may look like Petrograd through the winter mist of 1921 to me, but everything else to anyone else. Or just lines.
Welcome to The Lines
“Outside the great hall in the central Tower, she could see how the crystalline structures of the Secret City all glowed translucently with the light from the autumn sun.
She could also see the sun rays cascade through that particular great window like a perpetually shining waterfall that conferred on everyone gathered in the hall a slight aura of light.”
Morning Joys: No, not that. But writing again – in a few hours I have of my own.
This next part of my Hammer & Magic-story has been a long time in coming and I almost felt something was beginning to freeze over inside me and make me fear that I would grind to a halt with this story, too – because many weeks had been allowed to pass.
Fortunately, it all thawed again once I actually forced myself to start writing again.
That is a good lesson.
Still, I should not forget that my recent story-endeavor is an investment, too. Right now it is an investment in my peace of mind, because I only write when I can do so and truly relax …
It is tolerable to work like this [as a webdesigner], more than any other work I have done before. But I know I will feel bereft if I end this life and have not found out how to make money from something that I feel more … right. Not necessarily something deeply purposeful – that is The Blog and that is enough, regardless of circumstances. But something that is … more fun, where I use more of my skills, more of ‘me’. And that has always been storytelling-
And so I have embarked on Hammer and Magic, my next try to do some fiction with a little bit of art this time and make it work – this time. Not as a comic book, not as a novel – for those media have failed me. I suspect it will be a site for roleplayers with stories and a world and perhaps some sales down the line of paperbacks and t-shirts and maybe premium memberships. We will see.
It is honestly not so important. What is important is that I do it and that I do it in the right way.
And that also means recognizing that I can’t really have a joyful day unless I do this first, now that I have the chance while alone. And I need only an hour to create that joy.
I need to learn, too, but more about how to create synergy between my bread-work, my current passion project for writing and, of course, my highest purpose work – which is The Blog.
But in recent days I have found a break, while Char and Jay were sleeping and I just did it – another installment of Hammer and Magic.
That will have to do for now …
A day with even a bit of writing is a day of magic. No more needs to be said. It just needs to be remembered
In the middle of everything, I manage to write the start of the next chapter of Hammer and Magic. That gives me more energy than – almost – anything else I have managed.
Nothing more really needs to be said. But all of this needs to be remembered – every day.
That is another good form of beginning, I suppose: To constantly imagine what I will draw, even if I don’t have time yet to draw it. Or have even decided how ambitious I am going to be, and can possible be, about it.
But these are seeds, and they are nurtured at times when I am slogging through the winter rain to get some thing or other for Jay’s dinner from one of the few super markets open.
And thus they grow.