Having children changes a lot to put it mildly.
On the downside you get to have to earn more money and less time to yourself. On the upside … well, everything good about having children – and then this perspective that you want something better for them. Including bettering yourself.
Char and I have had some rather exhausting discussions about money over the summer and I have had worries to go with that, but I often get back to that perspective:
“This is not Somalia. Our problems are solvable. I want to be a better example for my son.”
I.e. focusing more on solutions than arguing and throwing guilt around.
That is the only way.
You Have That Parent Experience Again When …… you one the one hand are really, really angry and feel like saying something nasty to your spouse who can’t or won’t understand why lack of sleep and time to yourself got to you first, when she is preoccupied with her own lack …
… and on the other your heart is genuinely old-fashionedly melting when you see your 11 month old son trying to drink from a cup.
Another choice, then, as a parent [not to give Jay a helmet to correct a small deformity on his head]. But we really have to consider ALL the factors.
And that includes all the other good factors that help Jay and which we will dismiss, if we believe that this sort of instrument will make the difference in our efforts to correct his head.
Such as being able to stroke and kiss his head, even if the effects are only psychological for us – and only a symbolic gesture of what we wish for him, for his body development.
But most importantly, of course, that science says it doesn’t really help with a helmet. Whereas with craniosacral therapy we do feel it helps, and we have a series of photos that seem to show that it does.
That may not be particularly scientific – the last type of documentation – but it is very practical – very real – right here and now. And that is what we need. Practical and real results. Experienced results. Not some intervention with lots of ramifications and born out of fear.
But right now, no matter the idealism, it just doesn’t seem tenable to stand up and say: ‘Now I will really prioritize Creative Project A so I can show what I am made of and do this before I die’.
No, now is the time to be patient and chip away at this bit by bit and then plan for the future. If that is the wrong choice, so be it, and it is certainly a difficult choice. But I see no other way.
Just another day in parent-land, but fortunately that is also a land with many other green pastures.
Sometimes it is good to sum up your strengths before you head back into the ring. In fact, it is always good. Also in the breaks.
… maybe Char and I are robots now. And maybe a day like this is a confused mess, with deep clouds on the horizon still, and objective recognition that you are just not getting anywhere with your business, dreams, goals.
But you have the spark. You have a smiling baby. You have a mom in good spirits. You have the will to accept the crappy work-hours and not whine, except maybe a little when you sit in the bus.
You have these small victories and if you pile them up and focus on them, they look like something.
These things work to de-escalate anger and become calm: – stop the situation, remove yourself; then clean up; music … and a hot mug of coffee. Do something nice for yourself, too.
These things work. So if it ain’t broke …
Whenever we move for a long time in a certain direction, towards something we really want, there’ll be obstacles.
We have to accept that.
And keep moving.
Was alone home today, whilst working and it was a strange feeling.
I was glad to have the time, without interruptions. Also to just sit back after work and enjoy a whiskey.
But I also missed Jay and Char very much.
I both needed them to be there and not to be there, at least that day.
Another definition of parenthood, I guess. But not the worst one.
It matters that he slept better, my 7 week old son.
Not because it was good that we got more sleep, too, but because he felt better. That is the chief concern. It always is.
I said something about how tired we both were of looking after Jay and she disagreed, even though she was dead-tired. I know why, but I was tempted to argue about it anyway.
I stopped and just closed the door. To the office. Not the perfect solution, but Jay was asleep and so will she be.
Not arguing with me about how tired we are because it takes a toll looking after the child we both love.
I have absolutely no idea how we are going to go about it, but I know that we have to do it. It is the primary function of parents:
Make your children strong.